


Dukexiety One-Shots

by RonniRotten



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, Fake Character Death, Giant Spiders, Grief/Mourning, Innuendo, M/M, Sexual Humor, Trans Male Character, Violence, accidental misgendering, do not copy to other sites
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-12 06:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 21,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20559422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonniRotten/pseuds/RonniRotten
Summary: Who needs a creative title when you have Remus and Virgil being gay in several different ways? All warnings will appear per chapter in the summary. You can find these on my Tumblr too. Enjoy the cryptid pair





	1. A Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Innuendo, Spider, Violence mention**

“Hey Virge!” Remus cheered when he appeared in Anxiety’s room. Virgil jolted back on his bed and glared at the duke. He was just listening to music and then suddenly the local stink bomb dropped in unannounced. The startled emo tore off his headphones and glared at the intruder.

“There’s this thing called knocking!” he huffed. Remus shrugged and meandered to his bedside with his hands behind his back and a wicked grin.

“But I have something for you!” he sang and fluttered his lashes. Virgil rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“If it’s another buttplug or some disembodied hand I’m kicking you out.”

“C'mon! I’m not always horny or bloodthirsty!” Remus pouted. Despite his eccentric appearance, the duke looked so hurt and helpless, and innocent. Virgil’s gut wrenched at the thought of hurting his best friend plus.

“What is it?” Virgil asked, giving in to the raccoon-ish puppy eyes. Remus beamed and squared his shoulders. He took on a fake regal air and cleared his throat.

“I proudly present the most lovable creature in the world!” he cheered and brought his hands into view. Virgil’s eyes went wide the second he saw it, a tarantula. She was gorgeous, with beige stripes on her legs and the cutest eyes.

“She’s a pink-footed lil beauty!” Remus explained, “She’s really docile and she’s tough too!”

“You made me a spider?” Virgil squeaked, cracking a smile.

“That’s mostly right, Ghouly Goober! Since Deceit is on your case, and the others are less than welcoming, I thought you could use a friend who doesn’t talk! Because I don’t shut up! And I never will.”

“A friend without benefits? Gotta say that’s pretty cool.” Virgil said with a half-smile.

“Without? She has benefits! The benefit is she’s a good listener! My own benefits are meant for more adventurous undertakings.”

“You mean I can f—”

“Don’t give me any ideas or I won’t stop thinking about it!” Remus cut him off and held out his palm with the tarantula, “Hold her!”

Virgil held out his hand and watched in awe as the creature scurried into his hand. He was surprised to hear an odd purring sound coming from her as she crawled up his arm.

“So maybe I was aiming for a cat.” Remus admitted sheepishly, “But I started thinking about other animals that purr and here she is! Spider Cat!”

“Does she have a name?” Virgil asked as the spider got cozy on his shoulder.

“If you don’t think of one she’s Spindella the Shapeless.” Remus winked.

“Yeah, no.” Virgil scrunched up his nose and idly reached over to pet his new friend.

“Bolt, like a Thunderbolt.”

“Ooh, Doner-And-Blitzen, going with the stormy aesthetic! I love it!” Remus clapped.

“So is she more of a cat or a tarantula? If I need to get a tank in here—”

“She’s spider-shaped with the same eating habits and a few others, but you shouldn’t need a tank. And don’t let her bite! The venom is toxic!”

“Only you would give someone a venomous pet.” Virgil mused.

“Cute and cuddly aren’t really my strong suit.”

“You have one of those?” Virgil teased.

“My birthday suit! You can’t deny it’s my strong suit.”

“Guess not, but you managed with her. Thanks for this, Rem.” Virge hummed, “You’re awesome, even if you eat weird shit.”

“Aww!” Remus cooed, “You’re just saying that so I’ll get flustered and leave!”

“Partially. It’s not working now is it?” Virge mused, cocking an eyebrow at him.

“You got me there!” the duke chuckled, “But I better get outta here so you can bond with your new buddy!”

“Cool. I might stop by later tonight. I’m DTFM.”

“Down to—?”

“Find mothman. DTFM”

“Hot! I’ll be waiting! Ta-ta!” Remus sang and sank out with a happy shimmy. Virgil let out a laugh through his nose and let Thunderbolt crawl into his hand. He brought her eye level and smirked.

“I think you and I are gonna get along just fine.” he mused. Bolt chirped and curled up in his palm happily. He couldn’t help but smile—the duke really wasn’t all that bad.


	2. Strolling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Cannibalism mention, Violence mention, Murder mention, Sexual themes**

What could be nicer than an evening stroll through the imagination, with no one to bother him. That is, if he didn’t have a certain someone following him in the shadows. He wasn’t even slick! 

“I know you’re there.” Virgil hummed as he idly wandered along the golden path—golden? Well it was Roman’s favorite place to be, no surprise there. The rustling in the tree he just passed stopped for only a second, the culprit waiting for him to turn around. He didn’t. Instead Virgil simply stared at the field of wildflowers, shoving his hands in his pockets as the cool night air chilled him.

“I know a better way to warm up, Scare Bear.” Remus cooed as he pressed up against Virgil’s back and placed a hand on his waist, subtly pushing his hoodie up. Virgil snorted and rolled his eyes when a firm object brushed against his rear.

“Is that your mace or are you just happy to see me?” he teased. Remus moved his favorite weapon into view and grazed his lips over Virgil’s neck.

“Both.” he chuckled. Virgil glanced at the mace and noticed the tell-tale signs of violence.

“Got into a fight with Princey?" 

"No no! I was just getting this—" he held up a bottle to Virgil's right, "—with intent to use it."

"Love potion, huh?" Virgil commented after getting one look at the bottle, marked with a heart, "Using that is pretty low."

"Not if I use it on me." Remus chuckled, "My wicked widower deserves some romantic reciprocation."

"Not at all," Virge replied brushing Remus' hand aside and tugging the hem of his hoodie down, "If I wanted romance, I would be with Princey. Clearly I'm not." The hand that he pushed away rested on top of his and a limb wrapped around his hip, causing him to glance down. The tentacles were out. 

"No? Then I picked these for nothing?" Remus mumbled against his shoulder and held out yet another arm, this one holding a bouquet of flowers. 

"Freshly cut plant gonads. You're such a doll." Virgil jeered playfully.

"Keep talking like that and I'll lose my head."

"Which one?" he hummed as a tentacle crept up and rested on the spot Remus was peppering with kisses. He heard some sort of fabric tearing, aware that it wasn't his clothes and sighed.

"This one!" Remus laughed and held out his head to look Virgil in the eye. He took the doll comment to heart, instead of blood there was a large puff of cotton hanging from his neck. 

"Are you always this literal?" the emo asked wryly. Remus smiled in a cat-like manner and flicked his final hand out to brush it off.

"What can I say, you make me want to commit a felony."

"It's not a felony if I consent." Virge hummed and winked at the severed head. Remus blushed and giggled.

"I was thinking murder but I like your idea better."

"So that's not the mace this time." Virgil commented and leaned into the body behind him.

"Nope! And it's your fault." Remus laughed, "I wanted to cuddle and watch bad horror movies. But you just had to tease!"

"Pull yourself together, Duke, and we'll see where this goes. I'm thinking by the end of 'The House on Haunted Hill' I'll have a few ideas of my own." Virgil smirked. Remus beamed and reattached his head.

"Let's go Mason Virgil!" he chuckled retracting all but two arms, the one pressed atop Virgil's and the one that was holding his head. 

"Was that a bad Hannibal reference?"

"You know it! He's a snack!"

"You mean that literally."

"Of course! Rotten meat is my favorite!"

"I thought it was ass."

"That's my favorite sweet!" Remus laughed, "Shall we?"

"Let's go, calamaro."

* * *

_Inspired by this image by [@bumble-bitch-sanders]() on Tumb1r_ __


	3. Chucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Sexual themes**

Virgil loved the calmness of the river. It flowed serenely below, carving its path to the open seas. What he wouldn’t give to be out at sea, away from the worries of modern life. Sure disasters on ships happened regularly, but he could be prepared for all of them, see them coming. 

“You know what you should do?” a familiar voice said behind him, loud enough to be heard over his headphones, “You should throw your shoes in the river.“ 

“Now why would I do that?” he scoffed, swinging his legs from his perch on the wide railing. Okay so there was a hole in the bottom of both but they were his favorite chucks and he drew the plaid pattern and storm clouds on them. He couldn’t just replace them.

“Because I have a present for you." 

"Is it another gallon of fake blood?” Virgil jeered playfully and turned to face his companion. Remus laughed and shook his head, adjusting the ascot around his neck. God he was cute. 

“Nope! Take a look at this!” he said as he fished out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Virgil. Skeptically he took it and unfolded it, on edge because of Remus’ usual creations. He was in shock.

“This is the design on my shoes.”

“Yeah, I noticed you were still wearing that pair, constantly touching them up, and I thought it would be nice to take your design and get some custom made sneakers that weren’t falling apart faster than Roman’s ego." 

"Rem that’s a lot of money, you shouldn’t have.” Virgil gawked, still amazed by the detail on the page.

“When I told Papa it was a gift for my boyfriend he was thrilled to hear I found someone to settle down with, like Roman.” Remus laughed hiding his bitterness, “He bought the lie I think, either that or he knew I was doing it for you." 

"It’s not too much of a stretch to believe that.” Virgil responded and handed back the paper, “But we both know I’m not your type." 

"Says who?” Remus winked, “You are definitely my type!" 

"Mean, sarcastic, anxious, a total downer—I doubt it.”

“Saucy, witty, funny, caring, calming, beautiful, sexy, unique, perfect butt, perfect crooked smile, I can keep going!" 

"Don’t.” Virge huffed, flushing red and glaring at his feet as they swung idly. 

“You know I have to now!” Remus laughed, “You’re such a great singer, you have a great taste in music, your blush is adorable, you have the intimidation factor down, you could kick my ass, I would love to choke on your—”

“Stop for a sec. Why now?”

“It came up in conversation.” Remus shrugged, “and because my heart has a raging boner.”

“Was that gift your way of asking me out?” Virge pressed bringing his knees to his chest and turning his entire body toward Remus.

“Nope! I didn’t think you’d be interested! I’m the wild twin! And you always said Roman was too much! Roman!" 

"Roman is too much in different ways,” Virge hummed as he untied and unlaced his chucks, “He’s a diva and snarky and a little arrogant. The flamboyant spoiled little rich boy thing is just irritating." 

"I am a flamboyant little rich boy.”

“You don’t have the attitude. You’re a trash goblin who doesn’t like to dress like a country club member and brag about Dr. Picani’s money.” Virge shrugged and brought his shoes up to sit next to him, “You’re you, a little weird, but honest and sweet in your own way." 

"Don’t forget kinky, sexy, and annoying!" 

"It’s part of the charm. And you’re derailing my train of thought.” Virgil retorted and took a deep breath, he could do this. Remus already admitted his feelings, the risk was so low. If Remus hadn’t done anything to hurt him already, he wouldn’t this time. 

He eyed Remus for just a moment, steeling his nerves. The other was leaning on his hands, watching him right back. There was something about the messy black button down that matched so well with his tired eyes and messy hair. The softness hidden in his gaze mixed with the soft smile twitching at the corner of his mouth made Virgil’s heart flutter. All his words died in his throat.

Remus tilted his head when he saw Virgil shift his weight and kneel on the railing. He scooted closer and cupped his jaw. Remus stared into those starry eyes that reflected the night sky so perfectly. Those deep whirlpools captivated him. He had no idea his lips were parted ever so slightly until Virgil pressed them to his own. 

His eyes fluttered shut as he kissed back languidly, wanting nothing more than for Virgil to direct this time. The bittersweet tang of coffee and chocolate filled his senses, making his head spin. Virgil was faring about the same. His lips tingled from the contact and he could lose himself in the joy of finally getting to kiss his long-time crush and closest friend.

They broke apart slowly, not ready to open their eyes and find it was just a dream. 

“Pinch me.” Remus breathed, “specifically my ass.”

“I’ll pass.” Virgil hummed and scooted back.

** _Splash!_ **

Virgil winced as his ratty old sneakers hit the water below. Remus giggled.

“I’ll carry you back to my car and I can pretend to be Cinderella’s prince." 

"Drop me and I’ll kill you." 

"I can’t drop you until Papa sees I actually have a boyfriend this time!” Remus laughed and scooped up his emo boyfriend with a giggle. He wouldn’t ever forget this moment even if he tried.

* * *

Inspired by this art by [@bumble-bitch-sanders](https://bumble-bitch-sanders.tumblr.com/post/186412940045/two-truths-and-a-lie-first-one-to-guess-correctly) on Tumb1r  



	4. Gay Grumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Disturbing imagery, Sexual themes**

"Ugh!" Remus groaned and flopped onto the couch next to Virgil, throwing his arm to his forehead. Virgil glanced over and paused his music, pulling his earbuds out. 

"Snake-face got distracted again?" he snorted.

"Yeah! You would think that he would at least pretend to want to join in when he agreed to hangout! It's the only night this week when I don't have to work and he doesn't!"

"It's Saturday. You have a good five days off." Virgil shrugged, "If all he wants to do is seduce your brother, why don't we just have game night at my place?" 

"Because little Picani, your brother is a little invasive. I don't need the doc picking my brain between campaigns! I know I'm more fucked up than a plague doctor scooping burnt fetus mush from a cauldron and I know he thinks I want a piece of that ass." 

"Considering you thought that was a good comparison, maybe you're right." Virgil said with a smirk, "Then again it could be worse, like you could be as fucked up a member of the Spanish Inquisition with a mutilation kink." Remus stared at him with a dazed expression on his face. Virgil went rigid and shook his head. He was not going to acknowledge that his best friend and crush was giving him  _ that _ look.

"Twisted thoughts aside, we'll figure out something to do about the snake." 

"Yeah, until then let's play some games!" Remus laughed, "The Evil Within, Black Ops, or Shadows of the Damned?" 

"You still have Shadows of the Damned?" Virgil questioned suspiciously.

"Of course! It's so me! Blood, gore, violence, and sexual themes—why would I ever get rid of it?" 

"I should have known." Virgil snickered, "It's you we're talking about." 

"Yeah, but you love me anyway!" 

"Sure, that's what you can call it." Virgil teased while his heart shattered in his chest. He was fine with his feelings being unrequited, and he would kill anyone who tried to take that friendship away. But those deep brown eyes were like fire that burned him to the core and that smile was as bright as the sun. But to claim he loved Remus in a casual way was too much.

"¡Eh culero!" Roman shouted and entered the main room. He got one look at Virgil and Remus and smirked. 

"So this is why you're kicking me out!" he jeered, "Don't make too much of a mess while I'm with E."

"What?" Virgil hissed.

"Go charm a snake, Borgia!" Remus snapped before Virgil got answers from the wrong brother. Roman snickered and waved impishly before leaving. Remus was beet red and fuming. Nothing went according to plan, as usual. 

"So E was never coming." Virgil asked, letting his eyebrows glide up his forehead. Remus winced and wrung his hands awkwardly. 

"I kinda didn't want to invite him, but I didn't think you'd come without him."

"You wanted to hang out with just me?" 

"Yeah! You're the fun one! I don't have to filter nearly as much and the banter is great!" Remus said, his tone dancing around his words, "But I know I'm a bit much."

"You didn't want to scare me away. If you were gonna do that it would have been years ago." Virgil scoffed, "C'mon, short of intentionally threatening my life, there's nothing you can say that will scare me off." 

"Wanna bet?" 

"Sure what's the prize?"

"If I win you'll still be my best friend." 

"And if I win?"

"Your choice." Remus shrugged. 

"Bring it on bitch." 

"I'minlovewithyouandIkeepwantingtocuddleuptoyouandkissyouandstupiddomesticcrapliketheshitRomanlikesandIgetbutterfliesinmytummyaroundyoubecauseyoumakemewanttobeabetterpersonandyou'resocoolandhotandIwouldkilltojumpyou!" Remus rattled off in one breath, squeezing his eyes shut, expecting the worst. Virgil blinked and sighed.

"Take two. Slo-mo." 

"I'm in love with you. And I keep wanting to cuddle up to you—"

"You—You're in love. With me?" Virgil cut him off. Remus drooped and nodded sadly. He could only hope that Virgil would keep his end of the bargain. A moment of silence passed before either spoke.

"Looks like I win." Virgil jeered, causing Remus' head to snap up. Those wide, hopeful eyes bore into Virgil, searching for a lie. All they saw was a calm, blushing emo with a timid crooked smile. 

"What's your prize?" 

"Hmm," Virgil tapped his chin and smirked, "How about you give me a kiss, wherever you want, Octopup."

"Playing with my feelings, huh?" Remus jeered and wiggled for emphasis. Virgil snorted and shook his head.

"I might be a dick but I'm not that kind of guy. Maybe I just feel the same way. When's the last time I was with someone for more than just a hookup?" 

"Ten years ago." 

"Exactly, the end of sophomore year—in high school." 

"But you did get with that Remy guy more than once." 

"Yeah, he thought I was screaming his name." Virgil shrugged and kicked his feet up on the couch. Remus went pink and grinned wickedly.

"Where did you want me to kiss you?"

"Wherever you want to, Ree.” Virgil shrugged with a playful grin, "Just as long as you know what you're getting into." Remus smirked and crawled over him, slowly, just to tease. 

And then he pressed his lips to Virgil's forehead. 

"You really are a little shit." Virgil chuckled and pulled him down to kiss the tip of his nose. 

"Yeah but you know you can't resist it!"

"Keep talking like that and we might never get to those video games." Virgil hummed coyly, bring about a bright blush on Remus' face. 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah, I might just up and leave, Emile needs to know I have a boyfriend. And he needs to know he won the bet with Patton." 

"You want to be  _ my _ boyfriend?" Remus gawked.

"Yeah, since you asked." Virgil jeered playfully and booped his nose, "Now set up the game so I can cuddle up to you while you play." 

"Scare Bear, you are something else, and I wouldn't have it any other way." Remus chuckled and moved to get up, but Virgil pulled him back and planted a quick kiss on his lips. 

"Now you can go. I've been wanting to do that for a long time." Virgil said with a smirk.

"Kiss me, or surprise me?" Remus laughed and got up. 

"Yes.” the emo teased as Remus set up the game he wanted to play: The Evil Within.

“Don’t let the jump scares get you too much! I can’t cuddle and kill zombies.” Remus said, grabbing his controller.

“Don’t set yourself up for challenges so easily, Ree. I think you can.” 

“In that case,” Remus said as he plopped on the couch again, “Get over here and get cozy. It’s gonna be a long night.” Virgil hesitated for a moment, losing his nerve, but eventually curled up next to Remus and rested his head on his shoulder.

“I wonder what we’ll do when we have the snake with us.” Virge mused.

“I dunno, but it’ll be fun.” Remus sang and fought the urge to shimmy. Virgil chuckled softly and sighed.

“Just get to the jump scares, Cuddlefish.” Virgil huffed and leaned into him for warmth. It was nearly perfect. Who would have thought that a failed plan could lead to something so wonderful?


	5. Dig Up Her Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Character Death (faked), Grief, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mild Scuffle, Grave Robbing, Accidental Misgendering.** Virgil is trans.  
Inspired by ["Dig Up Her Bones" by the Misfits](https://youtu.be/lgSLz5FeXUg)
> 
> * * *

Remus curled up on his brother's couch and sighed. The quiet apartment was far from empty, despite there being only one occupant. The telltale shiver creeping up his spine hinted at someone or something watching him but he couldn't care less. 

"I miss you so much, babe." he said to the silence. As expected there was no answer, no witty retort, not even an eye roll. He hugged his knees to his chest and stared blankly at the wall. He could still see her face staring back at him. He could see those heavily lined eyes boring into him, those magical violet eyes. He wanted to hold her one last time. 

His girlfriend, or datemate if you asked him, was the light of his life, the only (demi)woman he ever wanted, the first person he ever loved. She was witty and caring and downright spunky. Two years prior he lost her. She was on a trip with her friend from college when a horrible accident stole her away. 

"December 18th? Tomorrow is your birthday. I guess I can't give you the usual flower, again. Someone keeps taking them." Remus pouted. It wasl cliché but he always gave her a rose as red as blood as a present on her birthday, their anniversary, his birthday, and the day she passed. One sappy gesture always brought a smile to her face and warmed his heart. 

"Frankly I wouldn't mind dying if it meant I could see you in heaven, but I'm going to hell so it's no use." Remus chuckled dryly, "You would probably strangle me for saying that. Ro's husband would too." He had to laugh at the idea of that snake strangling him for being self-deprecating, it would be so counterproductive! Roman certainly wouldn't save him.

"Ro says I should place the flower on your grave like a normal person, but someone else could take it away again. I'd be better off digging up the coffin and handing it to you personally." Remus chuckled sadly. 

And then he jolted to his feet. A manic smile crossed his face. He needed a shovel. 

* * *

Remus moved silently in the cold night. His determination and passion were enough to keep him warm. Creeping through the iron gates, he dared not check the clock, not when the light from his phone would reveal him. The night watchman was not someone to mess with. Not the vampire.

He crept between the headstones, always glancing over his shoulder. The light from the watchman's lodgings in the distance remained unchanged but he didn't trust it. He kept sneaking toward his goal, dashing and rolling for cover with a shovel in his hand and a red rose between his lips. It was too dark to see much but he knew where to go. 

He found himself kneeling in front of her grave. His eyes watered as he traced the letters of her name engraved in the smooth stone and placed the rose on top of it. Soon. He would be able to get to her once again. He rose up with the shovel in his loose grip and dried his eyes.

"Aaagh!"

He was knocked to the ground and a warm weight settled on his legs and wrists. And then a light shone in his eyes.

"What do you think you're doing?!" the assailant barked. Remus winced and shrugged, knowing that voice anywhere. The Vampire, the night groundskeeper, Virgil. If he weren't in trouble and horribly grief stricken, Remus wouldn't be opposed to having some fun with the whirlwind holding him down. 

"Paying my respects!"

"With a shovel?" Virgil snarled. Remus chuckled darkly and flipped them over, causing the flashlight to fall from Virgil's grasp. His ruby glare pierced the night. 

"Point me to the sky above." Remus laughed, "I can't get there on my own." He blindly reached for his shovel with intent to incapacitate the threat, and dig.

"The Misfits, huh?" Virgil smirked darkly and kneed him in the side.

Remus gasped and fell onto his good side. 

"You can't dig up any bones. Not while I'm here." Virgil huffed and grabbed the shovel while Remus whined—the man could kick hard. 

Virgil rose and spotted the flower on the stone and picked it up as well. Remus watched as he went back to the lodgings, in pain as he tried to get up. Remus grabbed the discarded flash light and made his way to the beacon of light in the silent sea of death.

He followed Virgil to the lodge, not at all surprised that he was running there. That cute bastard was not going to get away with this! 

Remus crept up to the humble house, peeking through the window. It was a meager place, hardly bigger than his old apartment and he was certain that he was seeing Virgil's bedroom. He might've thought it was creepy under different circumstances, but not this time. 

Virgil entered the room and sighed, setting the rose in a vase with eight other dead ones. Remus watched curiously, waiting to strike, as Virgil moved in front of a mirror and removed his contacts. He looked ready to cry. Instead he stripped down and put on his pajamas, revealing his scars to Remus. 

"He left another one." Virgil huffed to himself, though Remus could hear him, "Why doesn't he move forward already? I'm not—not—" Virgil broke down and curled up on his bed. Remus was confused but that didn't stop his heart from breaking.

He moved to the front door and knocked forcefully. A little urgency would bring Virgil faster.

"You're not digging up any graves Remus!" Virgil snapped from behind the door. Remus rolled his neck and shoulders, ready with a valid excuse. 

"Can I come in? My hands are bluer than my balls." he asked sweetly, not at all lying about being cold. Virgil opened the door and kept his head down, letting Remus in. He shuddered at the welcome warmth. 

"Thanks, Virge. I promise I won't go digging up any graves, on one condition." Remus hummed as he rubbed his numb hands together for warmth. 

"What?" Virgil croaked and curled in on himself as he shut out the cold.

"Tell me why you took the flower. It's the only grave I ever see without any even though I know I put them there." 

"It's a long story." Virgil shrugged and wandered to his bedroom, leaving the door open. Remus followed again to find Virgil curled up on top of the covers. He pouted and sat next to him. 

"I have time. Roman knows I wander."

"It happened a little over two years ago, my friend and I were on a trip to find ourselves, and we did. I realized that I'm a guy. My family would have killed me if they ever found out." 

"That's terrible. But it doesn't answer my question." 

"I faked my death, I left everything I care about behind just to start over." Virgil looked at him with watery, violet eyes. Remus swore his heart stopped and his jaw dropped. 

"You keep leaving flowers for her, but all that's left of that person is me," Virge shuddered, "And I know I'm not the one you want."

"Can I hug you?" Remus squeaked. Virgil nodded once before he was pulled to Remus' chest and held tight. 

"Virgil you asshat, I would have dug up your grave to give you a flimsy flower! Who told you I wouldn't do anything for you?! You have no idea how much I missed you—your wit, your laugh, your music, your late-night conspiracy binges, the passion you put into your arguments, the way you could keep me calm. If that's all gone, you're right, you wouldn't be the one I want. But if it's all about gender, I want to work with you." 

"Careful, Reek, you're getting as sappy as Roman." Virgil sniffled and laughed, burying his face in Remus' shoulder. 

"Yeah, you're still you, Scare Bear—mysterious and sassy." Remus chuckled, "I'm so happy I could kiss you right now!" 

"Do it, coward." Virgil huffed and stared into his eyes challengingly. Remus smirked and dragged him into a smoldering kiss, just like he used to. But this time, when Virgil kissed back, it was more grounding and real than ever before. 

"Do you want to start over or pick up where we left off?" Virgil mumbled against his lips when they broke apart, "You can tell the others, just not my old family." 

"Can I spend the night? It's cold out there and I miss being in your arms." Remus pouted at him. Virgil smirked–god he loved that smirk so much–and nodded.

"We'll figure this out in the morning." Virgil shrugged and pulled Remus under the covers. He snuggled up to his stinky love and sighed contentedly as Remus wrapped his arms around him.

"Happy birthday, Scare Bear." Remus hummed and kissed his forehead. It was the happiest birthday Virgil ever had up to that point.


	6. The Slippery 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Tentacles, Sexual Themes**

Virgil wasn't known for being terribly cuddly, sure he enjoyed it now and then, but it was rare to find him snuggling with anyone for hours on end. But he couldn't exactly get away from his loving duke's embrace. That's why Deceit found him lounging on the couch with his boyfriend, Remus, holding onto him like a koala, fast asleep, with his 4 main tentacles idly wiggling behind him. The quiet hissing between the disgruntled emo and the teasing snake didn't bother Remus at all.

"Say one word about this to anyone and I will cover your library in webs. And if I piss myself don't you dare hold it against me." Virgil threatened. Deceit smiled at him and shrugged. He wasn't making any promises. He strolled back to his room with a smug air about him that made Virgil growl.

That's when a slick tentacle snuck behind him and gently caressed his neck. Virgil glanced at it with raised eyebrows and smirked.

"Thanks Nero, you're such a thoughtful lil wiggler." he chuckled and gently ran his fingers over the smooth appendage. He had to laugh at how it twitched and went limp on his shoulder, heating up as if it could blush. 

A different tentacle wrapped around his chest and snaked its way up to his cheek. Someone was jealous!

Virgil giggled and turned his head to press his lips to it. The delicate kiss against one sucker was just enough to make the tentacle jolt back and go rigid. This one had to be Tiberius, the flirty one.

"Don't think I forgot about you, Tiger." Virgil purred. At the pet name, Tiberius collapsed like a wet noodle on the couch and floor. He had to laugh, Remus' tentacles had a minds of their own, and they usually thought about Virgil. It was flattering and down right adorable usually. But they were still part of Remus, so if the tentacles went limp, Remus' grip would loosen too. All he had to do was make all of them relax, and that was a problem.

The other two tentacles were a little bit more daring. Commodus maneuvered its way around his thigh slipping behind him to get into his pants. Elagabalus slid in his lap and got very frisky. Virgil bit his lip and let out a loud frustrated groan, this was not helping his bladder problem, and causing a slew of other issues. Fortunately, Remus sleeping on him was one problem solved.

"Commie! Laggy! No!" Remus snapped and let go of Virgil to pull them back. They drooped in Remus' hands like guilty children.

"You do not get touchy like that when I'm asleep, unless you're touching me! Did Virgil say you could do that, hmm?" 

"Nope." Virgil answered, gently removing Nero from his shoulder.

"No? Then why did you two think it would be okay?!" Remus growled. Commie and Laggy curled into themselves out of shame and retreated into his back. Remus let out a sighed and carefully ran a hand down Virgil's cheek. 

"Are you alright, Scare Bear?" he asked. Virgil took his hand and brought it to his lips, making Remus blush. Leggy and Commie were in big trouble.

"Thanks, Ree. You saved me from the onslaught, like a knight in slimy armor. But armor isn't your strong suit." Virgil hummed and let the duke's hand fall gracelessly to his side. He smirked at the flustered side and winked. That sent Remus' heart into overdrive—a crooked smile and a little flirting should not be enough to turn Remus Sanders to mush! 

"No wonder you they got frisky, you're a tease!" Remus laughed despite himself. Virgil shrugged and flashed a wicked grin.

"If teasing the tentacles wakes you up, then I'll be sure to do it more often." he said and moved to get up, "It's easier than clawing my way out to get to the bathroom." 

"No! Come back!" Remus whined, "I want to cuddle with you—naked if possible!"

"No." Virgil hummed on his way out, "But you can come to my room, get caught in a trap, and I could eat you like the little snack you are." 

"You sly wolf spider." Remus purred, "I'll see you there!" And all of his tentacles jolted back to life. He was so lucky to be able to call that catch of an emo his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I named the tentacles after the four worst Roman emperors. Sue me <strike>but don't actually</strike>_


	7. Unplanned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has studied the other sides in order to best interact with them, it's all been scripted in his head multiple ways. But his darling Duke is full of surprises....  
**Warnings: Gore Mention, Death Mention, Sexual Themes**

It was easy to interact with the other sides—after he had them figured out. A little praise, Disney references, and a few sappy words could turn Roman into mush, a little critique and a touch of sass would irritate him. A false statement would stop Logan in his tracks, anything presented with citations would bend his will just enough and make him smile. Patton was a sucker for puppy eyes and a sob story full of self-hatred, puns and puppies made him happy. Deceit needed something in return for any service that didn't benefit him, he could be buttered up with a little praise and some positive attention, debating him could go either way, and calling him out would set him off. And Remus well, he was easy to please with a dirty joke, but dropping a gruesome idea would be torture for him and everyone. 

Virgil kept tabs. He knew how to avoid conflict and maybe get what he wanted from time to time. He used his data to act the right way, say the right thing, keep his friends. Every step was calculated, no risk he took was ever too high—not even out-flirting Roman (who was definitely interested in the banter and the competition, but not the emo, not like that. That was fine by Virge.) But he forgot to account for one thing when trying to woo his crush—Remus was unpredictable.

The crude creative facet was just lounging in the common area, watching  _ L'Inferno _ and playing with a hexaflexagon. It was just a typical night for him, comfy in his Misfits pajama pants and an open hoodie, spread out on the couch, eating gummy bears. He didn't have to think about anything and everything was quiet, his thoughts were quiet and he was in control of them. 

"Hey there, Dukey." 

Remus paused the old movie and glanced at the stairs. Virgil was standing and leaning against the banister with a wolfish smirk. Remus beamed at him and waved, 

"Well if it isn't the Carnage Patch Kid himself!" he laughed, "Don't just stand there looking sexy, c'mere and have a seat wherever you want!" Virgil hummed softly and approached the couch, weighing his options. He could sit on the arm near Remus' feet, the distance would have been normal for him, but it countered his end goal—to make Remus turn red. Sitting on his lap would certainly do that, but Remus would immediately come onto him and put Virgil in an awkward (but not dangerous) position. Sitting right behind him would be too distracting.

Virgil plopped down next to him on the sectional and lazily spread himself out, throwing an arm on the back, close enough to make the Duke squirm. 

"What brings you out of hiding? Need some food?" Remus asked, holding up the giant bag of candy. Virgil shrugged and shook his head. He had his line rehearsed for this situation. 

"I'm good, though I am interested in devouring a little snacc." 

"Is that right?" Remus hummed, "What kind of snack were you after? A lithe snake, a little marshmallow, Crofter's ala Lo?" So he was playing coy. Virgil could work with that. 

"I'm in the mood for a royal pain, without the pixie dust. Some things are better devoured in the dark." Virgil purred and threw in a lazy wink just to drive his point home. What he didn't see coming was the soft smile that graced the Duke's face.

"Like the chasm in my chest when you are so far from reach," Remus said, taking his hand and pressing it to his bare skin, "Or the burning desire in my blood when I feel your pulse thundering against me. I would be reduced to a walking corpse if you should ever find my macabre nature undesirable and abandon me with my hopes. The void in me is yours to fill, I crave all of you, my thorny rose—your love, your, hate, your ire and blood, and your sweet kiss of death. Slay me with the poison on your lips so that I may haunt your waking dreams." 

"I–I, uh—" Virgil stammered as Remus brought his hand to his lips. His face was burning and flushed, flustered with no hope of regaining his control. 

"Two can play your game, Scare Bear," Remus teased, "But unlike ring around the rosie, the ashes of my life will meld with yours and we'll share a coffin for eternity, decaying until we become one. Our still and blackened hearts are not mere toys.." 

"Remus?" Virgil squeaked as Remus brought his hand to his lips again, gently placing a kiss to his knuckles. He languidly kissed up Virgil's arm, smirking to himself as Virgil shifted awkwardly but didn't make any move to stop him. 

"You want to tease me, fine. But I can dish it as well as I can take it." Remus whispered in his ear, "And as long as my lips are my own, I will never stop telling you how you drive me wild, like a beast in the night—a wolf lost and howling at the full moon. That howl is my song of admiration, and you are my light, my stability, the one who pulls on my very being in such mysterious ways, my insanity. A silent guard, a guide for my ship. Be my moon and I will burn hotter by your love, hotter than a thousand suns." 

"As long as your lips are yours?" Virgil asked, regaining his composure enough to fight back, though his voice cracked, "And if I steal them and your breath?" 

"How can you steal what's yours to take? My breathing up until my last breath is all for you, reclaim the gift you gave me, but only if you give me your heart for my collection." Remus purred and pressed a kiss to his jaw.

Virgil grabbed his chin and tilted it so they locked eyes. This wasn't part of his plan, this wasn't calculated, but it was not a risky move. 

True to his nature, he was cautious, staring into the Duke's eyes as he leaned in. He locked on to those vibrant pools as rich as the soil, only letting them disappear when his eyes fluttered shut and their lips met. 

Gentle. Sweet. All the things that Remus only showed in his most vulnerable moments came to light in that contact. He gripped Virgil's shoulders and sighed contentedly before they pulled apart. 

"You make me want to break into a cemetery and get drunk with you, on you." Virgil breathed, their lips brushing against each other as he spoke. 

"Is this what you always want me for? A little flirting and a little fun? How can I say no? It's the collision of your kiss that makes it so hard to resist such beautiful torture." 

"I can't tell if you're trying to score extra points with the MCR reference or you actually think I'm using you." 

"If you were using me, you would have sat in my lap and gotten handsy while you got suggestive. I pay attention, Scare Bear. You want to play with fire in the hopes you become a pile of ash for me to snort." Remus teased, "And I want to be your arsonist."

"Can I kiss you til your lips fall off? And can I keep them? I have a nice jar." Virgil asked, "I want to keep a piece of my boyfriend with me at all times."

"Boyfriend, huh? Only if I can keep your voice and listen to the calm waves of words and the storm that could leave me drowning in the murky blackness of the sea that spill from that mouth." Remus giggled and pecked his lips teasingly. 

"Get back here!" Virgil chuckled and pulled one happy Remus back in for a loving smooch. Virgil might have studied the other sides to protect himself, but Remus made sure to know Virgil's quirks to reach this moment. Change throws Virgil off, any threat of harm or aggression brings out his aggression, and he adores dark emotional prose and references to his favorite bands. Most importantly, Remus made him soft.

  
  



	8. Der Mond ist Aufgegangen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Gore Mention, Fluff**

It was a quiet night, and for the first time in forever, Remus had worn himself out completely. Roman was able to get him to shower and wear some deodorant that wasn’t pickled-poo scented. Remus was plain exhausted, and that meant he would cling to whoever he could get his hands on, without his tentacles causing mischief. 

Virgil hummed softly as he scrolled through Tumblr under the covers. After the chaos and clean up he was tired, but it was worth it to see Remus so happy and alive. 

“Scare Bear?” a timid voice greeted him when Remus rose up. 

“Hey, Smelly Roger,” Virgil hummed and sat up, “is something wrong?" 

"No, I just wanted to cuddle with my Screamy Baby.” Remus pouted and shuffled his feet. It was rare for Remus to pull out the Beanie Baby pun, only when he was really in need of a loving cuddle.

“I hope you don’t mind the spider eggs. They could hatch at any second.” Virgil teased and waved him over. Remus beamed and scurried over to him. He crawled under the covers and pulled Virgil down to cling to him and use his chest as a pillow.

“You’re warm.” Remus yawned and snuggled into him. Virgil smiled and ran a hand down his shoulder.

“Like a fresh corpse?" 

"No!” Remus whined and scrunched up his nose, “Like a Sasquatch, but smaller and less stinky!” he giggled and continued tiredly, “It’s okay, you’re cuddle sized and you smell nice, like cider and sheet music." 

"You know, when you take away the trash, you don’t smell so bad yourself.” Virgil shrugged and ran his fingers through the Duke’s hair. It was true, he had a certain natural musk that reminded Virgil of a campfire on the beach. It was comforting. 

“Yeah? Then maybe I should bathe with soap more often.” the tired side mumbled, “I want my boyfriend sniffing me like a piece of meat." 

"I would say you don’t have to, but your hair is really soft when it’s not matted with grease. It feels nice." 

"Your fingers feel nice. Pet me til I fall asleep?” Remus said softly, already drifting off. 

“Yeah, I can do that.” Virgil hummed softly. Remus smiled and placed a kiss over his heart. 

“Yay! I love you the mostest, Vee. No love can match.”

“That’s gonna be a problem,” Virge chuckled, “Because I love you more.” He was only mildly surprised when all he got in response was soft snoring.

“I win this round, Herzog.” he mused as he continued to stroke that wild mane. The soft brown locks under his fingers were so soft they put the prince’s to shame. The way they fell around that sleeping face, framing it so perfectly, brought a light blush to his cheeks. 

Remus was absolutely gorgeous and adorable like this, at peace and content to cling to him. Virgil couldn’t find anything bitter to say about the situation, except that he didn’t deserve to be so lucky. Remus was so brilliant, whimsical, fun, free—everything Virgil believed he wasn’t. Remus could have chosen to go after Logan or Deceit with their snark and intelligence. He could have tried to woo Patton with honesty and puns. But Remus wanted him and Virgil wasn’t going to fight it. 

He watched the rise and fall of Remus’ chest and focused on the sound of his breathing. The tiny whimpers that escaped his lips and the way he clung to Virgil even tighter, made the emo melt. He could never be any less grateful that he was with this fallen angel. He draped his arm around Remus and quietly sang a lullaby:

_…_   
_Wir stolze Menschenkinder_   
_Sind eitel arme Sünder,_   
_Und wissen gar nicht viel_   
_Wir spinnen Luftgespinste,_   
_Und suchen viele Künste,_   
_Und kommen weiter von dem Ziel_   
_…_

Remus calmed down, still holding onto Virgil as if he would never let go. No matter how chaotic and muddled their daily lives were, no matter how many disagreements arose, Virgil would never let Remus go either—not the most beautiful part of his existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The lullaby is an excerpt from "Der Mond ist Aufgegangen" an old German lullaby.


	9. Too Far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Spiders, Mild Body Horror, Innuendo**

When Remus raced into the castle after his adventure in the imagination, slamming the door and panting, Virgil just knew something was up. The emo had been happily napping on the couch waiting for his boyfriend to get back from a small quest not expecting anything too serious to come from it. How much trouble could one duke cause delivering a spell book to the dragon witch? (Never ask that question…)

“You look like you spent a week in my room. You alright?” Virgil asked and sat cross-legged on the comfy furniture. Remus turned slowly with a deranged smile and wide eyes. His hair was a mess and full of leaves and twigs, and his clothes were messier than usual. 

“Oh yeah I’m fine!” Remus responded. He wasn’t lying but there was something he wasn’t saying. Virgil raised a skeptical eyebrow at him and pouted. The pout was just to weaken the Duke’s resolve. It wasn’t enough.

“Cuddlefish,” he said as if he were interrogating a child who stole an extra cookie, “what did you do?“ 

"I gave Millie her spellbook and came back through the woods!” he said with some strain in his voice as he leaned against the door with all his weight.

“Remus tell me what’s going on. Don’t make me do the thing.” Virgil warned. The thing was a mixed bag but it got Remus’ attention, of course, taking off his shirt and releasing the spidery limbs would get anyone’s attention, it was mostly for the spider part because he was not ruining his hoodie. 

“Don’t!” Remus yelped far too dramatically to be taken seriously, earning himself the incredulous look of a man who is tired of bullshit. 

“I kinda got chased down here. There’s a monster outside, and not the fuckable kind.” Remus explained nervously with an added giggle to seal the deal.

“There’s a WHAT out there?” Virgil hissed. He was definitely set to grab his dumbass and run, but this was the safest place on this side of the imagination. He would have to fight and protect the frazzled duke, his instinct was too strong to ignore. 

“A monster. One who doesn’t pass the fuckability test.” Remus repeated, shrinking under Virgil’s death-glare, well, shrinking in most ways… 

Virgil got to his feet, ready to do what he had to. But the second his bare feet touched the ground a wave of recognition washed over him. This was going to be fun. 

“Scare Bear you don’t have to—” Remus began, only to pause and gawk at Virgil removing his hoodie and shirt. Shit just got real. 

“I can handle this one, you liar,” Virgil huffed and tied his hoodie around his waist. He paid the offended and aroused dukey noises no mind and made his way to the door, brushing past his boyfriend, letting his extra appendages extend and flex. 

He stepped out into the overcast twilight, curling his toes in the grass as he took in the area. Remus stood in the doorway watching the scene. The bats overhead chirped as they fluttered about, and right in front of the lush dark forest was the threat Remus mentioned. 

A Desert Blonde Tarantula the size of a bear stood in front of him, hissing at the obvious threat. Virgil wasn’t impressed at the vibrations being sent his way. Quite frankly the subtle quaking in the ground was pissing him off. It was one of those times he was glad he learned how to communicate with his kin.

“He’s my trash bag!” Virgil snapped and tapped his foot rapidly. 

His face softened when the tarantula vibrated and chirped miserably. Virgil was much more gentle with his reply.

“I’ll take care of him and he’ll fix your burrow. I promise.” Virgil answered and shot a death-glare at the duke. Remus winced and waved sheepishly.

“Fix xir home. Now.” Virgil ordered in that voice that could make Remus fall to his knees like a dog and obey. 

He snapped his fingers with his usual flourish and rolled his shoulders. Virgil flashed a crooked smile his way before resuming his odd conversation.

“It’s all set, bud. He won’t ever do that again.” Virgil said loudly for Remus to hear. The spider wiggled happily and twerked xir thanks before scurrying off. 

“You’re my hero!” Remus cheered and ran to him, leaping into his arms, lucky that Virgil decided to catch him. He wrapped his arms around Virgil’s neck and planted kiss after kiss on his face.

“You’re such a shit, you know,” Virgil pouted, “Xe were minding xir own business and you had to be a pain in the abdomen." 

"Well duh! How else am I supposed to get your sexy ass to save me and carry me around without your shirt like some Conan the Barbarian shit!? I didn’t expect xem to be that pissed off!" 

"Ask. Or beg, you frickin Naughty-lus, and don’t pull that stunt again,” Virgil shrugged and carefully resituated the duke in his extra limbs. He smirked and brushed a stray lock of hair from Remus’ shocked face, as if the thought had never crossed his mind. Oh that was just priceless! He wiggled his eyebrows to break Remus from his trance and Remus grinned wide.

“Yes Sir!”


	10. Love Like Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look a song fic! Listen [here](https://youtu.be/rsrEXwozK-Y)

_ Warn your warmth to turn away _  
_ Here it's December everyday (I like that) _

It was strange how much emphasis was put on soulmates in this society. Remus hated it. Everyone had their soulmate's name in their handwriting marked on their body. It was supposed to be magical when you meet your soulmate after searching for ages. 

Remus knew his soulmate and he knew that the man he was destined to be with wanted nothing to do with him. He sat on his bed, holding an old photo from when he was just starting high school. He was such a wily girl back then, with wide green eyes and a wild brown mop. He had to laugh at how even then he wanted the mustache. He was sitting on an emo boy's shoulders cheering. 

Virgil. He absolutely adored Virgil with his snarkiness and wit. He was mean a lot but he was kind and caring. He was everything, and his name was on Remus' wrist in purple ink. 

_ Press your lips to the sculptures _  
_ And surely you'll stay. Love like winter _  
_ For of sugar and ice _  
_ I am made, I am made _

In his other hand he held a tiny clay spider that he made in pottery class junior year. It was a gift he could never give. His heart shattered as his fingers trailed over the fragile legs. He was just as fragile and his sweet caring side ached. He brought the cold glossy sculpture to his lips and let the icy memory fill him. 

_ It's in the blood. It's in the blood _  
_ I met my love before I was born _

Remus, before he knew he was Remus, skipped down the bland school hallway, violating the dress code in his short shorts and tube socks, as usual. He was going to meet up with Virgil behind the school. He was so excited, ready to show Virgil his mark and to give him the little figurine he finished. 

He crept out the door and into the sunlight. No one was outside but as he rounded the building he spotted the emo himself, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. 

"Virgil!" Remus sang and skipped up to him with a bright grin. Virgil spotted him and offered him one of his shy smiles that could melt the ice caps, killing multiple species and destroying the climate as we know it.

"You showed, Beets. Didn't think you'd actually want to come to the make out corner with me." 

"Are you kidding? I could feel it in my soul!" Remus giggled, "And I have something for you besides this bod." 

"Bod!?" Virgil yelped and went red, "I'm not ready for that kind of thing!" Remus giggled and stuffed his hands in his hoodie pocket. 

"I mean I'm down for kissing or whatever." Virgil rambled, "I don't want to move too fast."

"Breathe, Scare Bear. How long have we been friends? Long enough for you to know that I run my mouth." Remus cooed, "And long enough that you're out of ways to shut me up!" 

"Am I really?" Virgil questioned. He shrugged and tapped his lips.

"I dunno, are you?" Remus jeered, pressing his entire body against Virgil's. Virgil huffed and leaned down to press their lips together. 

Stars exploded at the contact. A warmth that Remus could only dream about filled his chest as he dragged Virgil down to deepen the kiss, bringing about more of the pure magic coursing through his veins. Virgil grabbed his waist and gently tugged on his bottom lip before snaking his tongue into one willing mouth.

_ He wanted love I taste of blood _  
_ He bit my lip and drank my warmth _  
_ From years before  _

"That was amazing." Remus breathed when they finally pulled away, "I guess it's true what they say about soulmates." 

"Soulmates? I like you, a lot, but we're not soulmates." Virgil pouted, "I don't need to be your soulmate to like you and care about you, do I?" 

"But look!" Remus rolled up his sleeve to show off his mark. Virgil's face went pale and he shook his head. 

"That isn't me. I'm sorry... this was a mistake."

"A mistake!?" Remus shouted with tears welling in his eyes

"I'm not that Virgil. I don't want to play rebound or make you think we're destined to be together."

_ She exhales vanilla lace _  
_ I barely dreamt her yesterday _

Remus set the sculpture and photo on the end table and sighed, wiping his eyes on his arm. The woman in the bed next to him was stirring. Elisabete was definitely not his soulmate, a cuddle buddy who would indulge him occasionally, but she was, first and foremost, his friend. 

"Good morning, Remus," she said with a yawn and sat up, "Have you been up long?" 

"Hmm? No, not really. How did you sleep?" 

"Fine, fine. Though I did leave you a note when I got up in the middle of the night. I'm  _ completely _ relaxed." she hummed and directed his attention to the mirror across from him. She had to use his favorite black lipstick, of course she did. And of course she was lying.

_ Read the lines on the mirror _  
_ Through the lipstick trails _  
_ Por siempre _

"'Amigos mejores, por siempre'" Remus read aloud, "You've been practicing." 

"I have. You told me your twin is fluent, and I want to impress." she shrugged and pulled her hair back to reveal the extent of the birthmark on her face, "Portuguese won't do much good, especially if he's  _ the _ elegant Roman who's on my calf."

"Oh that's definitely his handwriting." Remus mused and stared past the wall. He was going to help her find her soulmate, probably his goddamn brother, and he would lose the only physical comfort he ever got anymore. He was jealous, but happy for her, Roman was super supportive of trans women so Liza was safe. It didn't keep the ache in his chest away.

_ She says it seems you're somewhere _  
_ Far away, do explain _

"Remus, you're getting lost in thought." Elisabete pouted and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She had other things to worry about, but her friend out ranked her foolish worry over meeting Roman finally. He glanced over his shoulder at her and shrugged.

_ It's in the blood _  
_ It's in the blood _  
_ I met my love before I was born _

"The soulmate stuff is getting to me." he admitted.

"Virgil. Remus, have you ever considered that he was right, and that your Virgil is out there looking for their Remus?" 

"I know. It's just that I don't want to meet him. I still love—yes, love—the boy from school who was my best friend. It's silly but I can't help it." 

Elisabete cupped his face and captured his lower lip between her teeth. It was her go-to distraction when he was in the dumps about something that couldn't be changed. 

_ She wanted love. I taste of blood. _  
_ She bit my lip and drank my warmth _  
_ From years before _

"How about you shower and get ready to see your brother? Making yourself miserable over this won't do any good." 

"Do I have to? I like my natural musk!" Remus whined. Liza glared at him and inched away. 

"Yes. Even if we only cuddled you need to bathe." she droned, "It will clear your head." 

"You first."

"What do you think I did last night after I practiced my Spanish? Relax and curl up next to you?"

"Fine. But I am not binding before we leave." Remus huffed. 

"That's fine, just remember to  _ wear _ your deodorant without eating it." 

"No promises!" Remus sang and made his way to the bathroom. It was gonna be a long day.

_ Love like winter _

Remus wasn't sure why Roman texted him last minute about bringing a friend, but considering how Elisabete was a stranger to him, it made sense. He led her into the cozy establishment and found a table for four in plain sight.

"You wanna grab a couple coffees and a couple raspberry danishes?" Remus asked, "Roman knows my face, even without my fake stache, so I'll hold the table." Elisabete nodded and smiled sadly at him. It was rare to see Remus so low-energy and depressed. 

_ Love like winter _

He wanted to be anywhere else but here. He sat down and pouted looking around the relatively empty cafe. He wanted Liza to be happy, even if it meant losing her time. He was tired of loss. He lost his best friend over the soulmate bullshit, and hadn't seen him since graduation. His college flings had no meaning and all he could think about for the last eight years were stupid scenarios like coffee dates and running into Virgil on the street, destined to reunite. Foolish dreams like that left him cold.

_ Winter!  _

"There you are!" a familiar voice called him from his thoughts. Remus hadn't noticed that Liza was sitting next to him with a couple danishes and two coffees, and he hadn't noticed that his brother was there, nearing him with his guest. Remus had to stare, ignoring his brother's smug expression. There was no way. 

This had to be a dream. Virgil, his Virgil, was standing just behind Roman, studying the floor. He got taller and he dyed his hair purple. He had some piercings and better eyeshadow. It couldn't be real.

_Winter_

"Remus, you remember Virgil, I see," Roman chuckled and approached Elisabete, "But I believe introductions are in order. What is a rose by any other name? Surely yours is more fitting for a rare beauty such as yourself." He bowed and brought her hand to his lips. 

"Elisabete, darling" she cooed despite the blush darkening her cheeks. Remus ignored their mushy introduction and focused on Virgil, who had taken the seat across from him.

"Remember? Have we met before?" Virgil asked confusedly, daring to look up. When he did, his jaw dropped. Remus forced himself to play it cool and wiggle his fingers to wave at him.

"[REDACTED]?" Virgil gawked and immediately covered his mouth with his hand. That was not his name.

_...2, 3, 4!_

"No, no, I'm Remus," he chuckled, "And as you can see I'm a lot more comfortable now." Virgil's eyes welled with tears as he shrugged off his patchwork hoodie. At least he was smiling.

_ It's in the blood _  
_ It's in the blood _

"Remus is a good name." Virgil said and extended his arm. Remus' eyes went wide when he saw the mark above Virgil's elbow. "Remus" was written there in bright green. He traced the letters with his fingers in awe. 

Remus wanted to pinch his own ass to be sure he wasn't just dreaming again. He looked up at Virgil's face, the shy blush and smiling eyes staring back at him were real. His pulse hammered in his ears and Remus didn't have time to think.

_ I met my love before I was born _

He launched himself over the table and tackled Virgil to the floor, knocking the chair out of the way and spilling both coffees all over the table. Liza and Roman jolted and stared at the scene. Remus was clinging to Virgil for dear life. 

"Ow." Virgil grunted but made no move to get up.

"I was right!" Remus laughed, "I was right!" 

"Yeah, and I'm glad you were," Virge mused and ran his fingers through Remus' mane, "You have no idea how badly I wanted that stupid mark to change to your name."

"Soulmates or not, I wanted to find you again but I didn't want to get in your way, like always." Remus laughed and cuddled into his chest.

"You? In the way? Nah!"

_ He wanted love, I taste of blood _

"Not to intrude on such a touching moment," Liza hummed, "But you are on the floor, in the middle of a café. And you owe me a latte." 

"I really do!" Remus giggled and got up, offering Virgil a hand. 

"Not to worry, I'll handle this one!" Roman chuckled and stood up at the same time Virgil got to his feet.

"You two should catch up." Liza said with a smirk and got up, "the park is lovely at this hour. I'll make sure Roman is safe." Virgil raised an eyebrow at her and glanced at Remus. Remus was beaming and nodding. Virgil's expression softened and he took Remus' hand.

_ Hip bit my lip and drank my war  _  
_ From years before _

The pair left the cafe and went to the park across the street. The cool air didn't bother them much and the autumn leaves littering the ground were just beautiful. 

"You know, ever since that day we kissed, I couldn't stop thinking about how amazing it was and how magical I felt." Virgil said as they strolled, "I never understood why no one else could make me feel like that until now." 

"Well it's not everyday you have a trans soulmate." Remus mused, "Kinda funny how fate knew my name before I did."

"Yeah, it caused some bs, Beetleduce." 

"Now there's a nickname I haven't heard in years!" Remus chuckled and leaned into Virgil's side, blinking up and him with a soft smile. Virgil glanced at him and smiled back.

"Wanna know what else I haven't done in years?" Remus goaded. 

"What?"

"I haven't kissed my sexy Scare Bear soulmate in years." he teased. But that playful demeanor fell when Virgil stopped and pulled him to his chest. 

"That's something you can fix." he smirked. 

"How forward of you!" Remus giggled and dragged him down into a kiss, slipping his tongue into Virgil's mouth and wrapping his arms around his neck. Virgil kissed back with just as much passion, grounding himself by holding Remus' waist and gently nipping at his lower lip.

_ From years before, From years before _

"Only for you," Virgil mumbled against his lips, "because I am never letting you go again. And I am so sorry for the years of doubt." Remus swore he would melt on the spot. He pulled his emo into another kiss to shut him up and taste the magic that set his heart ablaze. His winter was blossoming into spring again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song fics are not my strong point...


	11. Sealed and Sharpened

Virgil was not Creativity, that was the twins. But he could create some things—he could conjure yarn and thread and fabric. He could come up with elaborate scenarios, usually scary or undesirable ones but he still created them. He was one of the two nightmare makers! He could conjure simple things but he had to build his ideas from what he had. 

* * *

Roman had only the faintest idea how much he could manipulate the imagination to give him his supplies, and the prince had initially offered to help him make his latest project real. Virgil refused his offer. This was not something he wanted anyone else to touch. This was a gift. A special gift.

The old black music box was almost perfect. It took ages to switch the musical paper from the original song to the theme from Halloween, but it was worth it when it finally came together and worked. 

His little workbench was covered in purple and green candles that would do more than just illuminate the area. A few small things went into the box—a knife with a Cthulhu handle, a conch shell, a poem, and a dog tag necklace. Each item was placed inside in that order with as much care and attention to detail Virgil could muster. 

"My Chemically Imbalanced Romance?" Roman called before entering the workshop. He was surprised to see Virgil finishing sealing the box with the wax from a green and a purple candle with a furrowed brow. In the dim light, Roman could tell what was happening. 

"Not a good time." 

"It would appear not. I'll leave you to your work, and I'll tell Patton you're dining with the others." 

"Thanks." 

"He'll love it," Roman said and left Virgil alone. Virgil was grateful for the privacy. He set the candles aside and picked up a spool of string. This would be perfect. It had to be. 

Two hours later, Virgil held the box in one hand and knocked on Remus' door for their game night. He was nervous, shocker, but more so than usual. His pulse skyrocketed when Remus flung the door open.

"Scare Bear!" he cheered, "You look like an embalmed desert mummy during an earthquake!" 

Heh, well that's because you rock my world and I am definitely a corpse," Virgil shrugged with a shy smile.

"You make me want to be a necrophiliac! Come on in!" Remus giggled. Virgil smirked and entered the room, still surprised to see it was clean and organized. It was still dark with shelves of canopic jars and assorted body parts pickling and his weapons were still neatly lined up. The bed against the back wall was made with the curtains parted around it, but it was the empty desk by the TV to his right that drew Virgil in. Where he set the box down. 

"Scare Bear," Remus squeaked, finally noticing the box, "is that—? Is that a dybbuk box?!" He squealed and clasped his hands together, bouncing excitedly.

"Something like that," Virgil mumbled, "So you know what can happen if you open it." 

"Screw _Sally Face_! I'm gonna open it! I want a demon haunting me forever! A demon my boyfriend caught!" Remus cheered and kissed his boyfriend full on the mouth before he sat down at his desk. 

"You think I should do it the old fashioned way? I don't wanna ruin the wax or the pentacle! They're really well done! Like the lizard burger I had for dinner!" Remus asked, wiggling in his seat and staring at Virgil with bright eyes. How cute could he get?

"Open it however you want. The pentacle will stay in tact," Virgil said with a shrug, "Isn't half the fun breaking out the knife and the lighter?" 

"I don't want to get wax everywhere but you're right!" Remus cheered and pulled a dagger from the top drawer. Virgil watched closely as he unceremoniously stabbed the wax at the edge and sawed through the thick layer. He was right about the wax being messy, just like Virgil's heart beat.

"Scare Bear," Remus cooed as he struggled to open the box, "could you open this for me?" 

"I'm not getting possessed by a restless spirit, Dukebag," he huffed and curled into his hoodie. 

"Please?" the duke pouted and fluttered his long lashes, "You're so strong you could break me in half! Please?" He was going to keep fawning over Virgil until he was too embarrassed to do anything else. Virgil had to save some room for the real humiliation. 

Virgil reluctantly took off his hoodie and took the box and pried it open, just barely, with some effort, making Remus swoon. He closed it and set it down, before shrinking into himself again. Remus giggled and flipped the lid open, squealing at the music that filled the room.

The first thing he pulled out was the necklace. He couldn't help but stare at it in awe. The engraving on it was gorgeous and adorable—a dumbo octopus with extra floppy fins and the word "Octopup" written underneath in artfully scratchy letters. He put it on immediately. 

Then he pulled out the conch shell, a rose nautilus shell that fanned out at each juncture. The area where it was supposed to be pink was a warm violet. He held it reverently and glanced at Virgil. 

"I've never seen one of these, or held one. I didn't know they came in sexy emo color. How did you—?" 

"I had to go for a long swim while Roman was recreating _Moana_. It took awhile to find and cut the right shell but I think it was worth it." 

"You went scuba diving for a gift for me?!" Remus squealed and set the shell aside to drag Virgil into a searing kiss. 

"You are something else!" Remus giggled, "I could just—"

"Finish the box." 

"Not what I was thinking but yeah, that too!" Remus hummed and pulled out the knife without looking inside the box. He was impressed with the craftsmanship on the hilt, it was beautiful, too beautiful to be just another gift that he would cherish. He had his suspicions but he was going to wait before he pounced. He pulled out the poem and read it to himself, biting his lip as he read the last line aloud:

“_Remus, marry me?_”

"Scare Bear I—I—" Remus stammered, dropping the paper and knife on the desk. Virgil averted his gaze, expecting rejection, he expected it was coming, it wasn't like he was the best for Remus with his doubts and pigheadedness and they didn't discuss it too much. His timing could have been wrong, maybe Remus wasn't into the idea of marriage after all, maybe—

"Oof!" Virgil did not expect to be knocked to the floor by the weight of one ecstatic duke. He was subject to a mix of kisses and love bites all over his face and neck. 

"If you don't take this shirt off right now I am tearing it to shreds!" Remus growled between bites. 

"Remus, you're forgetting about the restless spirit you released," Virgil teased and wrapped his arms around Remus' waist. 

"’Restless spirit!’ I got an incubus," Remus huffed as he kissed up Virgil's neck, "A purple incubus—and he can have me—soul and body." Remus hovered over Virgil, staring at his lips waiting to strike. 

Virgil smirked and dragged him down and stole away his breath through his lips. Sheer joy and enamor coursed through them. Remus said yes. Virgil had no idea that there was no question to it and there was a knife hidden in the desk for him. All he knew was that Remus was his restless spirit and he wouldn't change that for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who's curious a dybbuk box is a box that supposedly contains a restless spirit from Jewish lore in and the process of making them was lost in the Holocaust. This myth really has no backing and is likely a hoax but some YouTubers disagree, since they have videos of opening these boxes. They're not good for your 3am YouTube binging sessions if you like the idea of sleep


	12. One Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: innuendo**

Virgil was used to being the scary one, the guy who could make anyone fall into a state of terror with a flick of his wrist. He was good at his job, but not to the point where he forced the others away, not anymore. He could always tell when another side was scared, if not why. Patton was always getting scared over spiders. Logan would jolt from distractions when he was focused. Princey was always afraid of something, be it rejection or the monsters on his quests. Deceit had fears, but Virgil never did get around to figuring them out. There was only one side who’s natural level of fear was stable, and when his fear spiked, bad things happened. 

That’s why when Remus got scared around Virgil and yeeted himself out of the room by any means available, Virgil knew something was up. That’s why he was outside the Duke’s castle in the imagination, waiting to be granted entrance. He managed to get passed the moat and the kraken to get to the ominous double door, so this should have been the easy part.

Virgil crossed his arms and pouted. The worst was yet to come, the confrontation. He thought confessing his feelings would be the worst possible conversation to have with the Duke, a conversation he was certain would never happen. He was head over heels for the groomed trash disaster—his laugh, his smile, his boldness, his generally upbeat disposition, all of it made his heart flutter. It hurt to think that the side he had feelings for would be afraid of him. 

The door creaked open, causing him to jump back into reality. 

“Virgil?” Roman greeted him, somewhat surprised, “What brings you to this tragic kingdom?" 

"I could ask you the same thing. I’m looking for Remus.” Virgil answered and crossed his arms. A wicked smile crossed Roman’s face and he flung the door open for him. 

“Come right this way, Virgey Eat World!” Roman cheered, ushering him inside the dark palace. Virgil eyed him suspiciously and stepped inside. 

“So why are you here?” Virgil questioned. Roman closed the door and shrugged. 

“My brother wanted advice, and I must say that I am the right side to turn to in his situation.” Roman put his hands on his hips proudly, “But that’s not something I can divulge with you.” Of course it was a twin secret, Virgil should have guessed. 

“Wh—" 

"He’s in the rec room just down the hall to the left. Try not to make any sudden movements.” Roman cut him off and sank out with a drawn-out “Bye!”

Virgil groaned internally and rolled his eyes. Roman was certainly Remus’ twin, and certainly annoying when he was hiding something. But Virgil didn’t have the focus to dwell on Roman, no he had to find Remus and clear the air, even if it hurt. 

Virgil passed through the hallway and came upon the arched door sitting ajar. He peered inside and saw a replica of his room. Remus was pacing in front of the bed, tapping his chin with his other arm bent behind his back almost regally. His back was to the doorway, it was just the opening Virgil needed. 

** _Bam_ **

Virgil pinned the duke against the wall and snarled in his ear. Remus went bright red and craned his neck to see his attacker. 

“You have some explaining to do!” Virgil hissed. 

“You know, you came by the one time I’m not horny.” Remus chuckled, “Care to stop by later?" 

"I’m not here for that. I want answers,” Virgil huffed, “Why are you avoiding me? What did I do wrong?” Remus twisted out of his grasp and leaned back against the wall. He was shaking like a leaf.

“You didn’t do anything wrong!" 

"Then why are you terrified that I’m here?" 

"It’s your job to do the scaring, babes!” Remus chuckled awkwardly. Virgil narrowed his eyes and scowled. 

“It’ll scare you away if I spill the beans, Virgey,” Remus sighed, “And I don’t want you to be scared away." 

"So you’re choosing to push me away and not giving me a chance. You hear the shit that comes out of your mouth—I would be gone by now if anything you say were that scary. Have a little faith in me." 

"You want the whole truth? Fine,” Remus said dejectedly, “I think I’m in love with you, and that terrifies me.” He winced, prepared for Virgil to scoff, laugh, or vanish. The soft mushy feeling in his chest was so foreign, nothing he could handle without going mad or asking Roman for help—which might as well have been the same thing. 

“What about it terrifies you?” Virgil asked gently, running a hand down Remus’ cheek. 

“I’m vulnerable and as sappy as Roman.” Remus admitted, melting into the touch, “I like the feeling, but it’s scary to think that rejection could actually hurt." 

"Good thing I won’t reject you.” Virgil hummed. Remus opened his eyes and his heart nearly stopped. That violent violet was blushing and smiling at him with the softest, sappiest expression in the world. 

“I wanna kiss you.” Remus breathed. The devious twinkle in Virgil’s eyes stunned him—he said that out loud. 

“Breathe, Ree. I think I can make that happen,” Virge mused, “Because maybe I feel the same way about you.” Remus blinked and dragged him into a searing kiss that sent a fire through his veins. It was short and passionate, leaving Remus aching for another taste.

“You know, I wasn’t expecting this, and I sure as hell didn’t practice this kind of response with Princey! Yuck!” the duke giggled

“You were practicing being rejected?”

“Exposure therapy works on my fears.” he shrugged.

“Think you can conquer your fear completely? Because there’s no way you’re conquering me.” Virgil asked, cupping Remus’ cheek. 

“Nope! But I like being scareoused, so don’t you dare stop! I have a heart boner that needs your mouth.” Remus sang and shimmied impishly. Virgil smirked and shut him up with another short kiss. 

“No fair, Scare Bear!” he giggled when Virgil pulled away. He brought that emo right back in for another smooch. Who knew fear could be so electrifying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm kicking myself for not posting this here as well as tumb1r sooner_


	13. Just Like Old Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: death mention, food mention, game grumps, sex mention (like a lot)**

Laying in bed after a stressful day was one of the best things Virgil could do. He could melt into his mattress and let all of the tension in his body go. But his mind was a different story. After surviving the wedding, he needed to find the right video or videos to distract him. Vines were out of the question, he needed something to really focus on that wouldn’t include Thomas. His mind would wander back to the wedding. He knew exactly what to pull up.

With his laptop open and youtube up, his shaky fingers danced over the keyboard. The light from the screen lit up his face as the video loaded, and then his face lit up. 

_ Hey I’m Grump! I’m Not-so Grump! And we’re the Game Grumps! _

Yes, the Game Grump. Their laughter and antics made him feel better. This episode was definitely a classic, Pokemon FireRed #28. He loved that bit and had to thank Ninja Brian if he ever met the guy.

But just when he was getting into the story, his peace fell apart. 

“Oh Emoraptor!” Remus sang as he rose up.

“What the hell are you doing in here, and what do you want?” Virgil paused the video and huffed, not bothering to look at the duke. He couldn’t smell him at least. 

“I just wanted to tell you something,” Remus pouted and rocked his shoulders back and forth. 

“What? I’m in the middle of something here,” Virgil responded briskly and spared Remus a tired glance. The duke brought his finger to his lip and bent his knee.

“I’m a sexy widdle baby!” he cooed and fluttered his lashes. He topped it off with a wink and blew a teasing kiss. Virgil couldn’t fight back a snort. Remus was good at being ridiculous.

“And what does the sexy widdle baby want?” Virgil asked with a taunting smirk. 

“I wanna watch with you!” Remus cheered and shimmied. Virgil rolled his eyes. He was clean, including his nails, they were perfectly trimmed too, and head scratches sounded wonderful, even if it meant getting them from Remus. He scooted over and patted the bed next to him.

“Keep it in your pants and no licking and you can stay.”

“Yes!” Remus cheered and leapt on the bed, “Bring on the Daddy Sexbang!” He wiggled to get comfy on his front and got close to Virgil to see the screen.

“Don't call Dan that again," Virgil groaned. He knew it was a lost cause but he was not going to let it slide that easily. 

"But he’s a sexy widdle baby!” Remus laughed and threw his arm around Virgil. Vigil didn’t push him away but he rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, he is, you aren’t.”

“Excuse moi?”

“He doesn’t have a mustache, or smell like shit,” Virgil jeered. Remus retaliated by scratching his scalp. 

"I'm sorry are you sniffing Dan Avidan daily?" Remus snickered as Virge melted into the touch. 

"I don't have that kind of access or the need to sniff a straight man." 

"Don't summon Janus with that kind of talk!" Remus laughed, "He's busy watching for when Patton flings logic out the window!" 

"They're talking with Thomas?" Virgil asked wearily. 

"Yeah but you can stick around and nut over Dan with me! This is a moral dilemma!" 

"Should I be reading between the lines? I'm too tired to do that shit," Virgil grunted and scooted closer to Remus. 

"I mean if you want to read between the lines you can assume I want to nut with you, over Dan or otherwise!" 

"Gross!" Virgil snickered and sighed contentedly as the video switched into the next one. 

"Come on! Like you haven't looked up some polygrumps art in your spare time to get some ideas!" 

"Shipping real people is gross." 

"Shipping and smut aren't the same thing! They're cool with that art, so it's fine!" Remus countered with a wink, "Do you think they make art of us like that?" 

"They do. I try not to look it up. I don't want to imagine that much of the others. Especially Janus—there's a select group that takes the snake thing to a whole other level." 

"Hot!" Remus cheered and shimmied, wiggling his eyebrows at Virge. He snorted in response and pressed his tongue into his cheek. 

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" 

"Because I'm me!" Remus giggled and glanced at the video, "Soap carving?" 

"Yeah, I guess so. Ten Minute Power Hour. This shit is right up your alley!" Virgil hummed and watched as Arin and Dan debated the source of the smell of soap. 

“Soap smells like soap, didn’t think that would be up for debate,” Virgil says, shaking his head.

“They usually add something to give it a scent, otherwise it smells like ammonia and meat fat!”

“Is that why you stink?”

“Nah! That’s just the scent of rejection!--Holy shit that cheese!” Remus hummed only to be distracted by a mold old cheese carving that Dan dropped on the table.

“David Cheeseman, rip in pepperonis.” Virgil sighed wistfully, “He was a likeness of Dan and now he’s a likeness of you.”

“I resent that, unlike Dan, I know my sexiness has limits!” 

“We define them differently.”

“So you think I’m hotter than Danny Sexbang? I don’t know what to say!” Remus preened and rolled on his side, putting himself on display. Virgil scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“That despite all the shit you do, you have normal thumbs, so that's a plus,” Virgil couldn’t help but tease. Remus gave him a questioning smirk and scratched his scalp in retaliation. 

"You know you love me!" 

"I don't know what you're talking about—" Virgil shrugged while continuing to watch, "—oh god, Arin no!"

Remus watched amusedly as Arin bit down on a bar of soap wrapped in brown yarn. He was going to town trying to bite through it. The pause when he "realized it wasn't ice cream" got a chuckle out of Remus. But it was Dan suggesting he bite it again and his nonchalant agreement and subsequent chompage that got Virge laughing. 

"Mixing in the rootbeer is a good choice," Remus noted over the emo giggles, "it is creamy, but not like my favorite cream!" 

"Dude!"

"What? I have a preference for Kelpie milk and cream! And they think I’m the dirty one!” Remus cackled. Virgil shoved him playfully and scoffed.

“You and I both know you would say the other thing.”

“Yeah!” Remus said and fluttered his lashes, “But I didn’t! I’m unpredictable like that!”

“You’re as random as a soap taco.”

“They call it a clean taco!”

“Who’s they?”

“Arin.”

“Touché”

“Tushy!” Remus cheered and flopped on his stomach with a giggle. Virgil was tempted to shove him off the bed while the grumps goofed off with soap.

“That’s supposed to be satisfying?”

“Usually, yeah,” Virgil shrugged and flipped his hair out of his face, expecting Remus to go on about soap cutting stim videos. He was not expecting the joyful smacking on his arm when they started singing.

“This is my jam!” Remus squealed, “Oooh! Can we sing it! Please! You know you love this song!” Virgil bobbed his head in mock contemplation and smirked.

“Yeah, if you think you can remember the words,” he said with a teasing lilt to his voice. Remus smiled darkly and nodded.

"There used to be a graying tower alone in the sea. You became the light on the dark side of me.” They sang in tandem, waiting for the other to mess up.

“Love remains!” Remus practically screamed as he climbed that octave, before dropping to his usual range.

“A drug that’s the high not the pill. But did you know that when it snows, my eyes become large, and the light that you shine can be seen?” he let Virgil handle that next chunk, mainly because there was a smoothness to the emo’s voice that he didn’t have. Plus he liked Virgil's singing.

“Baby! I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey, ooh, the more I get of you the stranger it feels, yeah! Now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the–” they were getting into it, having fun until...

“Grey.” “Grave.”

“It’s 'grey,' dukebag,” Virgil scoffed, “I can google the lyrics for you.”

“I know but I like saying ‘grave’ better! It still fits!” Remus argued.

“Just like you and your coffin,” Virgil jeered.

“Exactly! Now how about you let your rose bloom on my face so I can die happy!”

“That was a terrible euphemism, even for you.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I’m spending time with you again after so long, like almost nothing has changed except for the benefits and it makes me happy to be around and wanted!”

“Wanted?"

"I'm always showing up uninvited and it's part of the job. But it's nice to be wanted too, not just tolerated." Remus answered cheerfully. Virgil winced. He knew what that felt like, and almost forgot it too. 

"It sure is," Virgil sighed and wrapped an arm around Remus, "It sure is." 

"Janus just revealed his name." Remus hummed after a beat of silence. He was good at listening in on whatever was at the forefront of Thomas' mind when he wanted. 

"What?" 

"Yep! And he's gonna be a mess when he gets back, happy  _ and _ hurt!" Remus hummed, "Of course so is Princey but it seems like Pat has that covered." 

"Are you gonna go help him?" 

"Nah, not yet. My name reveal wasn't emotional, so I'm useless in that department! Besides, I'm busy watching Game Grumps with my old flame and having fun! Self-Care Snake always says leisure is important!" 

"Yeah, the emotional stuff can wait. Wanna see them fail at summoning a ghost?" 

"Do I have a tentacle tramp stamp?" Remus answered with a mustache wiggle. Virgil snorted and ruffled Remus' hair.

"I missed you, you little shit!" Virgil laughed as he clicked on the next video. 

"I love you too, Scare Bear!" 

Virgil hummed non-committally and leaned against the duke, resting his head on his shoulder. It really was as if nothing had changed at all.


	14. A Summer Misunderstanding

"You're such an idiot!" 

"Shut up!" 

"I'm clueless and I could tell! Virgil you have a crush on my brother!" Roman laughed at his best friend, dodging a pillow flung at him out of frustration. Virgil seethed silently on the couch watching him pace in front of the TV. 

This is what he got for accepting Roman's invitation to spend the summer at his parents' beach house. He knew Remus was going to be there the entire time too, but he never expected him to bring Remy, and he never expected to seethe with jealousy every time Remy got flirty with him. So he had a crush on Remus, one of the coolest people in high school who had everyone fawning over him, he knew then that it wouldn’t work out for him, so Virgil gave up. 

“You have to win him over!”

“No! Roman get real! I’m a deadbeat musician who can’t hold a real job, I have nothing to offer except make-up tips and sarcasm, and I’m an anxious mess!” Virgil argued.

“Your SoundCloud and YouTube followings are incredible, you are one of the most dedicated, caring people I know, and I have seen your sober flirting that could put Janus to shame!” Roman argued back and plopped on the couch next to him. He threw his arm over the back of the couch and smiled to himself when Virgil scooted closer, allowing him to hug him. 

“Still doesn't matter, he has Remy, they're obviously together, unlike you, I'm not a homewrecker.” Virgil sighed. 

“I don’t think they are, and besides, it’s not homewrecking if neither one owns a home!” Roman laughed, ignoring the front door opening behind them, “Don’t sell yourself short! You are so much more than what you’re telling yourself!” 

“Aw, is the little scare bear feeling down?” Remus jeered behind them. Virgil and Roman both turned their heads to see him, in booty shorts and a loose tank top to show off his ink with Remy leaning against him, holding a large iced coffee. 

“Is the giant octopus being a complete asshole?” Virgil spat back, bristling at the nickname. Condescending hot bastard. 

“You are what you eat!” Remus jeered and winked. Virgil groaned and flopped on the couch, ignoring him. Roman sighed and shook his head, not commenting on Remus’ pout. 

“So, like, babes, the surf is chill and the sun is bright, why aren’t we at the beach?” Remy spoke up and took a long sip of his coffee, “This thot needs some sun and eyecandy!” 

“You already have plenty of that right here!” Remus teased and motioned to himself, making Remy scowl. 

“Yeah, and only one of you is putting out, let’s go bitches!”

\------

The beach wasn’t terribly crowded yet, despite the warm sun and the calm waves. Virgil wasn’t exactly thrilled with being stuck with Remy on the sand, he couldn’t really risk his old swimsuit losing its tightness around his chest and he was not comfortable with getting out of his t-shirt with people around. 

“You good, boo?” Remy asked, laying on his back to sunbathe. Virgil pulled his knees to his chest and shrugged. 

“I’ll be better when my swim binder and shorts come in the mail, they should be here today.”

“You wanna walk back to the house and check? I’m not moving but maybe your boyfriend can get his fine ass out of the ocean since he has a key.”

“My what?” Virgil bristled.

“Don’t play dumb, boo, you and Roman!” Remy laughed and resituated himself on his towel 

“Yeah, no, he is not my boyfriend, not in a million years,” Virgil scoffed and stared at Remy with a tired expression. Remy smiled and rested his head on his towel. So that’s how it was. Perfect.

“Hey! Hey!” Remus shouted to the pair as he and Roman ran up the beach, sparkling from the saltwater clinging to their skin. Virgil tilted his chin in recognition and hid his face in his knees to hide the warmth spreading across his cheeks. 

“Hey gurl!” Remy laughed, “You’re just in time! I need some more sunscreen, and Virgey needs to get back to the house! He left something behind!” 

“Alright,” Roman said when he and Remus stopped, “Let’s go—”

“Gurl you are staying here, I need a gentle touch, and babes over there likes it rough.”

“So you want me to go back with Virgil?” Remus asked, his face taking on a little bit of a reddish tint. Someone was obviously getting sunburned, nothing more, at least that’s what Virgil would believe.

“Did I stutter?” Remy asked and rolled on his side to glare at the twins, lowering his sunglasses incredulously. Remus shrugged and grabbed his gym bag, kicking on his sandals.

“Can’t argue with the queen bee! Let’s go Deetz!” Remus laughed. Virgil got up, ready to murder Remy for this. Remus seemed pretty confident leading Virgil off the beach. Virgil trudged along, not bothering to look at Remus, standing proud with the sun shining off him as if he didn’t have a large green kraken tattooed to his back and shoulders–or maybe that was part of his confidence. Either way, he looked way too cool to be stuck walking back with Virgil, the slouching disaster. 

They approached the beach house with an awkward silence stretching between them. Remus was not a fan of silence, but he wasn’t trying to rock the boat too much. Until he saw Virgil’s face light up. There was a package waiting on the doorstep. 

“Expecting something?” Remus asked with a teasing lilt to his voice. Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed the package addressed to him. 

“It’s a swimsuit. Unlike some people, I can’t go around in just a pair of trunks without getting arrested for public indecency.”

“But public indecency is fun!”

“Yeah, if you’re cis, maybe,” Virgil huffed, “Lemme get this thing on and we can get back to the other two before they drown.”

“A fancy trans man swimsuit? So you’ll actually go in the water?!” Remus giggled and pulled out his keys. Virgil pouted and tried not to let that tone get to him. After knowing Remus for so long, it was pretty obvious that Remus thought he was a joke, someone to make fun of, without ever attacking his gender at the very least. It still stung. 

“Yeah, but you might not come out,” Virgil retorted and went inside, straight to the room where he was staying. He didn’t look back or catch Remus sighing like a lovesick romance novel protagonist. 

There was something about Virgil that made him incredibly squishy inside. He liked their back and forth, those quiet moments when he caught Virgil comforting Roman, those rare moments when he would say something flirty with a wry smirk. He had it bad but he wasn’t about to take Roman’s boyfriend away from him. He was the twin who got everything, and Virge was no exception.

Remus leaned against the door and waited, wondering what he would be getting into if he made a move. Roman would probably never speak to him again, which would make the rest of the summer awkward at best. There was a good chance that Virgil would be disgusted or creeped out, because Remus knew he had that effect on some prudes and vanilla beans. He could go over every possible scenario, some involving aliens and mole people, but he didn’t have to. 

Virgil came out far more at ease than when he went in, dressed in a wetsuit-like swimsuit set that accentuated his shoulders and compressed him well. Remus was in awe, staring like a dumb fish. That boy had a set of arms and legs that could easily crush him, and his general posture was so much better. He was smiling wryly, and his eyes were brighter than Remus had ever seen them. He was so handsome and Remus was having a moment.

“Step on me,” Remus gawked without thinking. Virgil pouted and glared at him, ruining the image and bringing Remus back to earth.

“Save that for Remy.”

“Why? He’s here to steal Roman from you—I mean—”

“Steal? Not you too!” Virgil groaned and ran a hand down his face, “Roman is my best friend, not my boyfriend, I don’t have one. Spare me the bullshit and let’s get back to the others.”

“Wait,” Remus said, blocking the door, “So if you’re not dating Roman, you’re single?”

“That’s kinda what not dating anyone means.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you still single?!” Remus groaned, “You’re sexy, funny, smart, dedicated, hot, talented, bold, cute, and you have the best evil laugh. Why hasn’t anyone snatched you up yet?”

“Because I’m a complete mess,” Virgil shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Remus short-circuited and dragged Virgil into a hug. 

“You’re not a mess, you’re you, and dammit there is only one way you’re going to be a mess as far as I’m concerned!”

“And what way is that?” Virgil questioned and pushed him away.

“In my bed cuddling after I go on a wild tangent about how much I fucking love you. Sex is optional.”

“You think I’d wind up in that position with you?” Virgil scoffed with just the barest hint of playfulness in his voice.

“I can dream. I’ve had a raging heart boner for you for, like, ever! Is that too forward? I guess the theatrics are a little too much so I’m really holding back here, but am I still being too much? I have a tendency to do that and right now I’m kinda nervous and rambling and I should—” Remus babbled, trying to calm his nerves, only to be cut off by two finger to his lips.

“I’m the anxious mess around here, don’t forget that. I never had you pegged for being so nervous,” he teased. Remus wiggled his mustache and kissed the pair of fingers against his lips. Virgil moved his hand so Remus could speak freely again.

“You’ve never pegged me at all!” he laughed. That should have been expected. Virgil brought his hand to his mouth and hummed, secretly placing that kiss where he wanted it. 

“That can be arranged. But for now, let’s get back to the beach, try and fight Chthulu, and make sure the prince and queen are out of the house for the night.”

“Don’t wanna scar them too much?” Remus lit up.

“Not yet, we have all summer.”

“I could kiss you right now.”

“Then do it,” Virgil jeered, “If you’re gonna be an anxious mess about it, I don’t mind pretending to be you.”

“What do you mean by—?” Remus asked, getting cut off by a pair of lips pressing against his own. It was a short, surprisingly chaste kiss, but it made his heart flutter. 

“We can’t leave those two waiting,” Virgil hummed and grabbed Remus’ hand. It was going to be a long, wonderful summer. 


	15. Dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings: Death Mention, Sex Mention**

There were legends and stories that circulated the kingdom, all of them fantastical and hard to believe. Most of the time there was some sort of inaccuracy in the legend, like the story of the princess cursed to sleep for a hundred years with her whole kingdom, only to be woken by true love’s kiss. She woke up after a hundred years and went ballistic, screaming at her father for not inviting the thirteenth fairy to her first birthday party, but that was ages ago, and like her parents, she angered the fae as well. Her two children were hit with a similar curse, but unlike her, her children would sleep for eternity until their true loves came. She never told them.

The legend got marred over time, so that people only remembered one of the children. No one believed that legend until recently, when Prince Janus, recently married to the man who he saved from his own curse, found the old tower and investigated. He found Prince Roman and woke him, not giving details on how he did it. It was fine because Janus and his husband, Patton, were madly in love and madly in love with Roman. Too bad Roman didn’t mention that he wasn’t the only one cursed in that tower. 

* * *

It was a rather overcast day when Prince Patton suggested his oldest friend go investigate reports of a white stag in the forest. If change was afoot, Virgil would be the first to tell if it was a blessing or a curse. Virgil reluctantly agreed, if only because Patton made puppy-dog eyes at him. Those puppy-dog eyes were going to kill him someday, and he was the only person he couldn’t resurrect. The things he did for his friends.

That’s what led him deep into the woods, beyond where most people dared to tread. He hated the looming feeling of foreboding nipping at his heels, the way the wind whispered his name. But he kept going, always glancing back, and always moving on when there was no threat. He only considered turning back when he found the tower where Roman was sleeping before. There was no reason to go beyond the boundary of the kingdom, especially with a crumbling ruin in the way. 

The door was still open, hanging on its hinges, just as Janus left it. Virgil neared it, just to see what level of stupid Janus reached when he found the tower. But something caught his eye. There was a trap door at the foot of the spiral stairs. Something about it called to the nervous necromancer, and he couldn’t fight the urge to investigate. 

Virgil coughed when he opened the door and a cloud of dust hit him in the face. Covering his nose with his cloak, he descended the stairway he revealed, using the magic gem on his walking staff to light his way. 

The walls were lined with bones, artfully placed to scare the average person away. Virgil worked with death, it was more of a comfort to be surrounded by it, even if he accidentally reanimated a few bodies when he was startled. If this detour didn’t reveal something new and useful, it would still be fun to tell Prince Roman that he was asleep over a tomb for however long he was there. He would probably cringe at that information.

Something was certainly there, a door that looked ancient with dark hinges and an even darker stain. It radiated magic, making Virgil’s hair stand on end. He could handle a few zombies if he had to, so he flipped his bangs out of his face and pressed forward.

He opened the heavy door with some effort and stepped inside. The room was simple stone with old green tapestries and a stone slab in the center. The green curtains around it were drawn, displaying a body that showed no signs of decay. The person looked like Roman, but they had a mustache and longer hair. Virgil stared at them, wondering what kind of magic kept a dead person so well-preserved. They had to be dead, Roman was trapped for over a century, sure, but he had some kind of air flow at the top of the tower. This person, they didn’t, and they weren’t breathing or twitching like a normal sleeping person. Virgil was confused.

BAM!

“Holy shit!” Virgil yelped and spun around when the door slammed shut. He hastily tried to open it and breathed a sigh of relief when it moved.

“Ack! What the hell!?” a voice yelped from behind him. Virgil’s heart stopped. Not again. He turned around to see the person, sitting upright, glancing around the room. Their eyes landed on Virgil, and a smile crossed their confused features.

“Hi! You wouldn’t happen to know where we are, would you?” they asked with way too much enthusiasm.

“We’re in a crypt under a cursed tower,” Virgil answered slowly, gripping his staff tightly, “and I accidentally disturbed your resting place.”

“I was dead!?” they gawked, “And I don’t have any maggots to show for it!?” 

“Yeah I thought that was weird too. But it’s probably been over a hundred years for you so I’m gonna go ahead and put you down again.”

“Aw, do you have to? You’re the first person to talk to me since my brother before he got cursed! And he yelled at me for putting a frog in his shirt! Can I stay undead just a little while?” they pleaded and fluttered their lashes. Virgil blinked twice as their words hit him.

“Who are you?”

“Me? Well I’m Princex Remus! Second in line for the throne! Who are you?” 

“I’m Virgil, a necromancer, but you probably figured that out already. You said your brother was cursed.”

“Oh yeah, him,” Remus pouted, “He turned 18 and then he went into a major coma. Mom said it was her fault and we had to keep him safe. Let’s not talk about him, I’d rather know about you, VeeVee.” 

“I hate that nickname,” Virgil deadpanned.

"Virgilicious?" 

"I'm not responding to that."

“Scare Bear?”

“Sure,” Virgil huffed, expecting the list to go on if he didn’t stop it there and then. 

“Okay, Scare Bear! So what is a snack like you doing in a place like this?”

“I was on a mission for the three princes–Patton, Janus, and Roman–and then I stumbled across this place and got curious.”

“Roman!? He woke up!? Okay you gotta take me to him right now! I’ll come back and stay dead but I gotta see him! I owe him a century’s worth of ramblings!” 

“I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Nope! He got cursed and passed out and wouldn’t get up until his true love woke him! I set him in the tower and came down here to relax with the decomposed after that workout!”

“And then?”

“That’s the last thing I remember! That guy had some nerve getting cursed at the bottom of the stairs, I might be strong and nimble but mommy’s favorite is as heavy as he is whiny!”

“Shit," Virgil grumbled as he tried to put the pieces together, "Let me try something." Remus watched him expectantly. The gem in his staff glowed a bright purple, as did his eyes. Remus couldn't understand the words slipping from his lips but that double voice was doing something for them. He was trying to put Remus back. It wasn’t working!

“That was cool! Can you magic me a pair of big ol honkers?” Remus cheered and clapped their hands. Virgil’s shoulders sagged and his face fell, his eyes losing the purple glow.

“I’m a necromancer, I can only raise the dead.”

“And my dick!” 

“Right, yeah, okay, point is you’re not dead, you were asleep for a century.” 

“Just like Ro-hoe?! Then that means—”

“Oh no,” Virgil groaned. He did not sign up for this. He was too aro for this. Remus was cute and hyper but he wasn’t sure how they’d handle a full on rejection. It could get ugly.

“Oh yes!” Remus giggled, “It was the same curse, you woke me up, you’re my true love! This calls for a celebration! No one should love me so it’s a huge deal!”

“Wait what?”

“We should definitely make out!”

“You have near-death breath, and more self-hatred issues than me. I'll pass."

"Self-hatred issues? Me!? No! I just don't do that romance shit and I was born in between! That's why I didn't think I would be cursed like Prince No-Bone! But I was and you woke me! We’re gonna be bestest friends! With benefits!”

“I know Roman, if you’re like him, there’s no benefits whatsoever.”

“Ha! I like you! We’re gonna be besties! Let’s go so I can show off that I got a hot soulmate and make Ro jealous!” Remus cheered and jumped to their feet full of life and running on sibling spite. 

“Don’t. Just tell him I raised your corpse. He’ll shit himself," Virgil countered and leaned on his staff with a dastardly smirk. Remus had never had someone come up with something else to torment the precious firstborn. It was too good to be true.

“I’m starting to think I did die and went to heaven,” Remus mumbled. Virgil shook his head and stood up. 

"Sorry to disappoint but if I'm here it's hell." 

"You are selling me on this whole soulmate business! C'mon let's go get some embalming fluid and really sell it! And some frogs! Ooh maybe there’ll be some mama frogs out there with their eggs in their backs! Trypophobia and even more frogs! Roman’ll shit a brick."

“The frogs aren’t gonna cut it this time. He’s got two husbands, and one of them was a frog for most of his life.”

“No frogs?” Remus pouted. 

“If you can give up the green, salamanders would work,” Virgil shrugged and pushed the door open with just as much effort as when he opened it. He didn’t catch the bright grin that crossed Remus’ face, but the body slam to his back when he got that damn door open, he didn’t miss that!

“You’re right! Or maybe I could use worms! Or spiders!”

“Just don’t touch mine. Gigi just finished molting,” Virgil grunted and balanced himself.

“You have spiders! Ooh! You have to show me! Spiders are so cute!”

“Don’t eat them.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, that would be awful!” they laughed, then purred “But if you wanna give me something better to eat---” Virgil jolted and stumbled back when the frisky little whirlwind grabbed his butt.

“Give me a good enough reason once we’re out of here, and I’ll consider it,” he huffed and led Remus to the stairway.

“Really?”

“Yeah, if you can convince me. But don’t hold your breath.”

“You know if I die and you want some action all you have to do is bring me back! You look like you’d enjoy some zombie fun, and I’m just a rotten kind of cute when I don’t get startled awake!”

“Don’t you have some sibling scheming to do?”

“Yeah, and I have to get back to arting and training and pranks and making people uncomfortable with my existence, that last one is my specialty!”

“Then let’s go. You need to get started on all those things soon.”

“I’m not making you uncomfortable?”

“I know, I’m just as surprised as you are. Maybe it is that soulmate bs,” he teased and led Remus into the world again. Maybe the soulmate thing wasn’t bs, and maybe it was the best day of either of their lives, they just hadn’t realized it yet.


	16. Chandelier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it's more platonic anxceitmus with dukexiety in the background but I think it fits well here with the chaos

Janus didn't often visit this side of the Imagination, and he only visited the other part because Patton wanted him to get along with Roman. It was a work in progress but it was worth the effort. But there was something to be said about making an effort to visit his friend, and visiting Remus had its share of effort. 

Janus entered the duke's castle and took a moment to appreciate the gothic architecture. The high vaulted ceilings and rafters gave the castle atrium a certain imposing air. The dark stone walls and green tapestries were artfully Remus, and the wrought iron chandelier hanging high above emitted an eerie green light as a final touch. But there was something off. 

"Remus!?" Janus yelped when he saw the duke clinging to the light fixture with his arms and legs. Remus looked down at him and grinned in that unsettling way he liked to do so often. 

"JJ!" he cheered and waved at him, making the chandelier swing slightly. 

"What are you doing up there?" 

"Hanging out!" Remus laughed. Janus ran his hand down his face and sighed. So that's how Remus wanted to play. He could work with that.

"How did you get up there?!" 

"Hm? Oh, I made a bet with Virgil. I bet I could throw him higher than he could throw me. I lost!" 

"And where is he now?"

"Scurrying between the rafters trying to get me down safely!" 

"Why wouldn't you conjure an airbag?!" 

"Boring!" Remus groaned and let go with his hands, rolling back to look at Janus upside-down. He could see a very unhappy snake boy. 

"Danny Sidebangs will come doing some eight-legged parkour shit and carry me to safety like some Guillermo del Toro romance! And then we'll bang!" 

Remus wore a shit-eating grin, blissfully unaware of the emo nearing him on the closest rafter. Virgil was silently scurrying toward him with his extra limbs extended. Janus nodded to Virgil, who was mildly annoyed. Virgil returned that nod, aware that Janus was going to be a distraction.

"Remus I think you should consider an airbag. You'll need one," Jay hummed and examined his gloves.

"Nah!"

"Yes!" 

"Nope!" 

"Yes!" 

"No!"

"No!"

"Yeah!"

"No!"

"Yes! I'll do it right now too!" Remus huffed and snapped his fingers. A huge whoopie cushion appeared under him and he stuck out his tongue. Janus smirked as Virge coaxed the duke's legs away from the light fixture. 

"You sure showed me," Janus jeered. 

Remus squawked and landed with a thump and a fart sound. Virgil used some webbing and lowered himself to the floor, putting his extra limbs away. 

"Ouch," Remus groaned and rubbed his hip.

"Next time you want me to go Peter Parker and Doc Oc on your ass, say it and spare me the mini heart attack!" Virgil hissed. 

"Please go Guillermo del Toro on my ass and carry me off into the night to show me just how you're a monster!" Remus pleaded and fluttered his lashes. 

"Janus is literally right here and you want to—? No I shouldn't be surprised," Virgil huffed and shook his head. 

"You're right! Wanna see who can throw Janus higher?" Remus suggested with an impish glint in his eyes that made Janus pale.

"Would you look at the time! I just wanted to say hi before I went to my meeting with Roman and Patton! I can't leave them waiting!" Janus lied, "Perhaps another time! Bye!" 

Virgil watched him run away while Remus banished the whoopie cushion. The duke knew just the right thing to say. 

"So, I won. Looks like we're watching _Corpse Bride._" 

"It'll be playing in the background while we make out!" 


	17. Cherry Stems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings:** sexual themes (that's pretty standard by now, huh?)

Remus was an eccentric man. But he was certainly reasonable when it came to his boyfriend. Virgil was so much more fun when he wasn't too grossed out. But Remus never expected something like this from him.

"Why did you put that in your mouth?" he gawked as Virge chewed on a soda can tab like a piece of gum.

"Does one need a reason to put something in their mouth, Puppy?" Virgil said and shrugged, gnashing his teeth and moving the piece of tin with his tongue.

"No but you usually have a reason for everything you do!" Remus groaned and flopped on the couch. He was so lost and Virgil hated seeing him like that.

"You know that old myth about cherry stems?" he mused and sat next to him. Remus blinked and smirked.

"The one where you can tell if you're a good kisser if you can tie a knot? I earned my knot tying badge in cub scouts with cherry stems!"

"You were a cub scout?"

"Am. I'm still scouting for cubs, bears, twinks, twunks, and wolves!" Remus laughed and flopped on Virgil's lap, blinking up at him innocently.

"And how has that gone?" Virgil jeered and gnashed his teeth more. Remus shrugged.

"I've seen some choice booty worth smacking for Thomas, he needs to get laid! And as for me, I don't have any reason to keep scouting. I have you! And yeah I know you're fine with me sleeping around, but no one is all that appealing when you're so damn good!"

"While we're on the subject of good, back to the cherry stems. If you can tie a knot you're a good kisser. What if I told you I could tie a knot with this tab?" Virgil asked and adjusted the metal in his mouth. Remus blinked as a dastardly grin crossed his face.

"I would probably go down on you in an instant!" Remus giggled and wiggled. Virgil smirked and spit out the former soda can tab into his palm. It wasn't knotted at all! It was just a ring! Remus was not impressed

"I might need a little help tying this knot," Virgil said, "Marry me?"

"For real?" Remus gasped and his eyes watered. He never expected Virgil would be the one to propose—they had definitely talked about it at length but never really came to a conclusion.

"For real, Cuddlefish. Will you marry me and all my anxious baggage? I don't want to ruin or rush anything and I should have a better ring but I want to be with you for however long we—"

"Scare Bear, shut up and put a ring on it!" Remus cut him off and waved his hand in Virgil's face, accidentally smacking him in the nose. Virgil smiled and slid the cheap, slimy, trashy ring on Remus' finger and pressed a kiss to it. It was a perfect fit and perfect for his trash-stache fiance.

"I need to hear you say it, Puppy."

"Yes, of course I'll marry you!" Remus cheered and pinned his emo to the couch, smooching him over and over.

"Are you gonna keep your word?" Virgil jeered between kisses.

"I won't leave you at the altar, Scare Bear!" Remus pouted. Virgil shook his head and pulled him closer by the butt.

"I can tie a knot with a soda can tab. I'm pretty sure you said you would go down on me in an instant if I could," Virgil teased and kissed his jaw.

"I never said I definitely would!" Remus giggled, "and I'd rather just make out until you eat my tongue."

"What are you waiting for? I'm right where you want me," Virgil teased and licked his lips. Remus growled in the back of his throat and made sure to shut that tease up.


	18. Storms and Snuggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings:** sexual themes, mild gore mention

It was a dark and stormy night...

Of course it was! And what could be better than a cuddling on the couch watching cheesy old horror movies? Cuddling like a litter of puppies and watching Tales from the Crypt!

Virgil was spread across the couch with one leg up and his arms resting on the back. Remus had his legs kicked up, lying on Virgil's abdomen and watching the show upside-down. He had a bowl of jellybeans balancing on his chest and all was well.

"This is so cheesy!" Virgil said with a smirk, "Even Roman could come up with something scarier!" He grabbed a handful of candy and ate it, watching the episode end.

"You think Roman could make a better monster storyteller than the Crypt keeper?" Remus snorted.

"Maybe, maybe not. He'd need Patton to help with the puns."

"Oof, yeah, but you know how he gets, Count Snackula! If it was you and me, we'd make it so much better!"

"We could try it."

"We'd fail!" Remus giggled and swung his legs to rest on Virgil's shoulders, "Remember what happened last time?"

"How could I forget?" Virgil hummed and licked his lips, "We were trying to make that dungeon believable before adding a monster."

"Yup and then I showed you mine!"

"That orc was pretty terrifying, but way too hot," Virgil said and leaned over to grab the candy bowl.

"I can't help it if I like my scary monsters hot! Just like my boyfriend!"

"Is that why they're all jacked?"

"Jacked, hung, and incredibly sweet with the aftercare!" Remus said and sat up, resting on his forearms. Virgil snorted and averted his gaze.

"Shut up," he scoffed and popped another jellybean in his mouth. Remus snickered and leaned forward.

"Shut me up. And gimme the candy, I'm gonna start drooling!" he ordered impishly and shimmied. Virgil was flushed but that wasn't gonna stop him. He swallowed thickly and moved Remus' leg with a wicked grin and set the bowl on the floor.

"You want a jellybean,"—he popped a couple more in his mouth—"Then take it." He leaned down, just close enough for Remus to surge forward and drag him into a kiss. Virgil shifted to straddle him and let the duke steal his candy and breath.

"I win!" Remus taunted when they broke apart. Virgil snickered and kissed his forehead.

"You sure about that? You didn't get the duke to kiss you. He's pretty good at it, too."

"Him? He's a sexy widdle baby but not my type. You didn't get a chance to smooch a Scare Bear!" Remus teased and stuck his tongue out, squeezing his eyes shut.

Then everything was still. All Remus could hear was the TV and the storm raging outside. A low rumble of thunder got him to open his eyes and grin. Virgil was staring at him with a mix of pensiveness, admiration, and adoration.

"Oh, Scare Bear," he cooed and wiggled his eyebrows. Virgil blinked and pulled Remus into his chest so he could flop on his back. A little added weight pressing on his chest made him feel more comfortable. Plus, he could lay down.

"You are a beautiful sonofabitch, you know that?"

"You should see my boyfriend!" Remus laughed and squished his cheeks, "He's so beautiful makes me want to run into the storm and sing like a maniac until I'm struck by lightning!"

"How about you stay here instead? You know how bad you stink when you get electrocuted and how scared I get when you get hurt."

"Aw, but it's good to get the blood pumping!"

"Shh, I want to go into a coma with you, dingbat," Virgil scoffed and ran a hand through Remus' mane. It was unfair, especially with how quickly Remus melted into the touch.

"You keep petting me like that and I will fall asleep on you. You won't be able to get up for anything. That's a threat."

"Sounds like a promise to me, Pup." Virgil snickered as Remus shifted to get comfy. It was a promise he would keep. And one that would provide Patton with scrapbooking material!


	19. Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warnings: death mention, gore mention**   
_#8. “Please, stop smiling at me like that. I’m not sure what will happen if you keep doing that.” And Dukexiety pls!!!_

Remus liked to smile and he was always looking for reasons to make his mouth twist upward to bare his teeth. He had a smile for almost every occasion.

When he was scheming with Janus he wore the most wicked grin with sharp teeth, just to add to the villainy. He put on the most abnormally wide smile, impish as could be, whenever he got under Patton’s skin. It was almost as gleeful and dastardly as the grin he wore when bothering Roman.

He had his strained grin for lectures and goofy smiles for when he wasn’t wreaking havoc. But his soft smiles, the ones where his lips were sealed and his eyes did more to convey his feelings, they were reserved for quiet moments with Janus and Roman, and of course, Virgil. Virgil got all the warm grins and smirks.

Virgil was not a smiley guy. Grimaces and smirks were the best most people could get. The rare grin was something that the others treasured, including Remus. That man’s smile was dazzling.

Of course, dazzling is distracting, which made movie night a little bit difficult. The other sides were already in bed, leaving two gremlins alone with some B-list horror movie that neither one was watching.

Situated between Virgil’s legs, Remus only had to tilt his head back to look at the emo in the skeleton onesie. He always did like to sit on the back of the couch instead of the seats.

“This movie is kinda lame, huh?” Remus mused and looked up at Virgil. His heart skipped a beat at that soft expression—warm, hooded eyes, a relaxed brow, and a damnably adorable little half-smile that revealed a dimple on his left cheek.

“I dunno, it’s Vincent Price, it’s cheesey but that’s the draw,” Virgil shrugged, not taking his eyes off him.

“You’re not even watching the movie!” the duke teased and stuck out his tongue, “You’re just eyeing the snacks!”

“I can listen. And in all honesty, I like this view better.” Virgil’s gaze softened even more and Remus swore he was going to go into cardiac arrest. He wanted to drag him into a kiss and wipe that beautiful smile off Virgil’s face before he could do worse. But Virgil would probably kill him if he did that. It was on his top ten list of ways to die, but he wasn’t feeling it.

“Please stop smiling at me like that. I’m not sure what will happen if you keep doing that,” Remus sighed with a pout.

“I have a pretty good idea. You’ll either feel creeped out and never speak to me again, leave, kiss me and pretend it never happened, or you’ll try to use your morning star,” Virgil said sadly, his expression unchanging, “But I can’t stop. You’re unfortunate enough to make me want to smile like some kind of creep.”

“Pretend it never happened?” Remus gawked, “It would play in my head on repeat like the rest of my thoughts! Only I won’t hate it! I would probably crave it more than a dying man on a lifeboat at sea craves fresh water! Do you even realize how bad I want to kiss you and hold you until we’re both piles of bones with our flesh mixing as it decays?”

“Is it as bad as how much I want to kiss you and suffocate while locked in your embrace so that the taste of your lips would be my final memory?”

“So much worse!” Remus smirked, “Set me on fire and see how much hotter my heart burns just to hold your gaze and feel your breath.”

“Why would I do that when I can set your heart ablaze with six words?” Virgil teased, his grin becoming more playful.

“Say them and I will kiss you til you can’t tell where your mouth ends and mine begins.”

“Remus,” Virgil said and leaned over, cupping his cheek, “take me to your grave.” Remus dragged him down and crashed their lips together, melting as that emo’s grin tried to ruin the moment.

“You should be my boyfriend,” Remus mumbled, “that way you can torment me every minute with the threat of holding you.”

“No need for the dungeon?”

“You can use that on me whenever you want. Just as long as you keep my heart in tact.”

“I have the perfect jar,” Virgil hummed and kissed him again.


	20. A Failed Plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _15\. “Hi, I’ve been subtle at hinting that I want your attention all day and you haven’t noticed once and now I’m pissed.” 💚💜 for duxiety?_

Remus was oblivious. He knew he missed a lot of cues, it was just the curse of being a himbo. But his obliviousness also led to a lack of subtlety.

He tried everything to get Virgil to pay attention to him! He cuddled up to him on the couch, made suggestive comments, rambled endlessly about the cryptids and music that emo loved. And what did he get? Brushed off repeatedly as if Virgil had no idea that Remus wanted his attention specifically. It was maddening.

That’s why he was here, fuming and slamming the door shut behind him. Virgil was on his bed with his computer on his lap. He jolted a little at the noise but smirked when he saw Remus.

“Hey, Pup.”

“Hi, I’ve been subtle at hinting that I want your attention all day and you haven’t noticed once and now I’m pissed!”

“Puppy,” Virgil chuckled and set his computer aside, “Believe me I noticed. I was busy plotting.”

“Plotting!? Without me!?” Remus growled. Now that stung. They were boyfriends! They didn’t do everything together but plotting was their special bonding thing!

“Yeah, I can’t really plot your surprise with you, that’d ruin it.”

“I don’t want a surprise!” Remus huffed and crossed his arms, “I want my boyfriend and I want to cuddle!”

“You know, you’re so fucking cute when you’re pissed,” Virgil said and got up. He approached Remus almost smugly with his hands in his pockets.

“Then I’m the most gorgeous duke in existence,” Remus hissed and stomped his foot. Virgil didn’t seem bothered and dropped to a knee.

“Since you don’t want a surprise, you don’t have to be my boyfriend anymore–” he pulled a velvet box from his pocket, “–you can just be my fiance.”

“What?”

“Since you don’t want any fancy proposal, no surprises, I won’t bother with a surprise. Do you want to marry me or not?” Virgil asked and glared at a stunned Remus. If he got rejected he would be throwing the duke out.

All that fear flew out the window when Remus tackled him to the ground.

“You are cuddling me tonight and tomorrow and the next day! I have to harass my fiance for the next 72 hours—since he ignored me all day!”

“Sure, but first let me get off the floor, Cuddlefish.”

“Never!”


End file.
